How To Be Friends With Your Fear

Fear is that one word we can hear and the hairs on the back of our necks stand up. Fear is the feeling or thoughts that stop you from pursuing a goal, based on the idea it might go wrong. The fear response is located in the area of our brain called the amygdala, the amygdala stores every experience that has made you scared or happy. When we want to do something new, our amygdala compartmentalise whether the new decision is good or bad. The brain equates good with safety and familiarity and bad with danger and vulnerability; based on this information it can be determined what we do next.

We might not be able to overcome our fear because believe it or not, it is there to protect us but we can befriend it.

Seeing your fear as an ally rather than an enemy is one way of befriending your fear. Speak to your fear as you would to a friend or a family member. When you start to be governed by your fear, use the following phrase ‘Thank you for your protection but, I would like to take on this challenge”, this phrase allows you to acknowledge and thank the amygdala for its protection but understands to grow you need to step out your comfort zone.

One way we can feel the fear and do it anyway is by starting small. Start by doing small tasks that take you out your comfort zone for example, if you have a fear around speaking to someone new without stumbling over your words, why not practise in the mirror what you would like to say during the conversation, allowing you to feel confident and at ease when it comes to the real thing.

For many cities and towns across the world lockdown has been gradually lifting since COVID-19 and this announcement can cause anxiety around adjusting to the new way of living. If you are feeling fearful about going outside, a way to combat this feeling is by going somewhere in your local area. You might be flooded with lots of thoughts but remember to use the phrase ”Thank you for your protection but, I would like to take on this challenge” and acknowledge your achievement with confidence. By feeling good you will start to be more inclined to do other activities with more confidence and less fear.

 

 

 

Live everyday with gratitude X

 

4 SIGNS YOU’RE SELF SABOTAGING

We all dream about being successful and for many of us this is something we are working on but, there is this one thing that keeps stopping us and that is ourselves. Self-sabotage is the act of stopping one’s self from achieving our goals and dreams. Here are some ways that self-sabotage is contributing to your life.

 

 

1.Comparison- You compare yourself to others and their achievements and question your ability to being ‘not good enough’.

 

2. Procrastination- When a deadline is near you tend to procrastinate; you distract yourself from what you need to do by doing unnecessary activities that don’t contribute to what you need to focus on. And when you try to go back into the routine you find it hard to keep up motivation.

 

3. Negative self-talk- This coincides with procrastination, when you’re putting something off, it can start to be governed by your fear and your ego ( that annoying voice that tells you we can’t do anything), when you hear your ego talking, you can feel disheartened and feed into the negative self-thought that ‘you’re not good enough’ or you’re not like that person who’s thriving.

 

4. You’re focusing on the problem and not the solution- When a problem occurs, all 3 previous signs play a massive role in your self-sabotage. You start to immerse yourself in what is wrong and let the emotions take over. It can lead to not thinking logically about the solution that can help you get out of this problem and this feeling.

Can you identify with one of these signs?……

Now that you’ve identified with one or more signs what ways can you combat this? Let’s see how we can create a solution.

Solutions to these signs can look like:

1. Focus- Focusing on your journey and the achievements you have made during your lifetime. Celebrating how far you have come can help boost your self-confidence to achieve more.

2. Weed out what is not necessary- Nowadays it’s quite easy to get yourself distract through your phone, tv, conversations, and many other things. To counteract procrastination. Why not remove any unnecessary devices out of your space or if you’re getting distracted by someone you can politely request that you would like 30 minutes to yourself without being distracted.

3. Change your tune-It’s easy to listen and get consumed by your negative thoughts when it’s running at 100 mph and your ego starts to project their fears on to you and, it’s also scary the thought of failure as no one likes to feel that way, but, by changing the way you speak to yourself and/or of situations can present a different outcome. Wouldn’t you rather say ‘I’m glad I took the risk and did that’, instead of ‘I wish I did that’.

4. Solution >Problem-A great way to overcome a problem is to remove yourself and look at it from a Birdseye view. Remove the ‘I’ statement and see what can be done to change this problem into a solution.

 

”Self-sabotage kills more dreams than failure ever will”– The Grounded Tree

How To Create Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries can take place in many forms and they don’t always have to be boundaries on another person, it can also be applied to self boundaries. Personal boundaries are essentially put in place to create healthy ways of navigating and communicating with others or yourself. It sets a tone of what you will tolerate and self-compassion for one’s self through acknowledgement and being respected. When we hear the word boundaries we often think something along the lines of separation, division or limits and when expressing our thoughts to someone they could perceive it as not wanting to speak to them as much. However, that should not stop a person from creating healthy steps to maintain their wellbeing
Implementing boundaries with people who you already have a relationship with can feel very awkward or feel like you are creating a divide but, in any relationship expressing yourself is a great way to understand another person’s needs and also will benefit your wellbeing in the long run. Boundaries can be formed in friendships, relationships, at work, with yourself and many more.

 

Let us get into the benefits of why we should create healthy boundaries.

• Creating boundaries removes the anxiety and stress of experiencing things that do not contribute to your mental health and well being: Ever experienced being invited out somewhere and feeling obligated to go and once you arrive at the destination, all you want to do is leave but you are rooted to the ground, swarmed with thoughts like a bee’s nest and overthinking what people would say if you left the event, resulting in you having a mini anxiety attack. All of this could be avoided if you set healthy boundaries for yourself and ask yourself if this is truly something you want to attend.

 

• Healthy boundaries allow you to successfully communicate your wants and needs without disregarding your feelings:
  We often ignore our feelings to please others but, it is we who feel it in the end. Not validating your feelings can lead to burn out.

 

• Boundaries can be flexible:
  They don’t have to be strict, ridged instruction that can not be moved. The fluidity of boundaries allows you to communicate and check with the other person.

 

• Boundaries are the psychological self-care that we don’t see but feel

 

• Boundaries develop a healthy respect for one self

 

Examples of healthy boundaries:

• Limiting your consumption use on social media or technology
• Keeping away from people who don’t contribute to your mental health
• Having self-compassion for yourself
• Validating your feelings and response to situation
• Saying no without feeling guilt
• Physically removing yourself from places that make your anxiety rise
• Not sacrificing your plans or goals to please others

 

Live everyday with gratitude X

How To Become A Superhero

Ever had a thought that you weren’t good enough and then the next minute you’re spiralling down a rabbit hole of self-doubt and insecurities. Going down that hole can be discouraging as it starts to affect our self-esteem and confidence.
I watched a TedTalk that spoke about How to be more powerful than you can ever imagine and it made me understand that we have a bad habit of lacking empathy and compassion for ourselves; we would never speak to our friends or family the way we speak to ourselves so why do we think it’s acceptable to speak to ourselves this way.
When we change our pattern and show the compassion and empathy that we freely give to others, we rise to the challenge that is set to discourage us and in that process, we transform into the superhero that we know is inside us.

The superhero in us aids our inner strength and we start to discover how powerful we truly are. What would you do if you had your superhero outfit on…What are the things you would accomplish?  It’s a bit like an alter ego; an extension of yourself or a journey to who you are becoming. Before you know it your superhero outfit will be so embedded in you, you won’t even flinch whenever a thought pattern or feeling of low vibration hits because you’ll see it as a challenge to succeed.

I will leave you with this powerful quote ‘’In rising to our challenges, we find our superhero’’.

 
Find your inner strength…Find your superhero

 

Live a harmonious life X

2020 The Year Of Blessings

Before I dive into things I want to say a Happy new year! A new year full of adventures, blessings, and prosperity 🙂

As seen as its 2020 and the start of a new year, it’s that time again where many are and have set new goals whether it’s to lose weight, travel or find love. We all have something we would like to do or do better this year. When we set new goal it is quite easy to shout it from the roof top and tell everyone the new improved us but, after a while we forget the excitement and enthusiasm we had at the beginning of the year and either lose the enthusiasm or forget to put any action behind the goal.

I unintentionally found ways in which I kept my goals and desire at the forefront of my mind without even being aware I was doing it. My goals were coming to me much quicker because I wasn’t having a fixed attachment to the goal because we all know when you’re too focused on the lack of the goal, it takes a slower process to come to fruition. It’s honestly a simple message we always forget because we focus too much on the how or when. It’s like ordering food to your home, when you order your food and are busy distracting yourself, the food comes much quicker vs when you sit there and track every 5 minutes to get an update.

The key to affirming fluidly is to find new and fun ways to manifest without holding too much attachment to it.

Listed below I have created a few ways in which you effortlessly manifest your goals:

• Writing your goals as a password- This was one of the ways I unintentionally created what I currently have in my life and I did not know I was doing it. I needed to change my password as I locked myself out of my laptop and felt called to write what I desired and left it. Little did I know every time I was writing in my password I was unconsciously manifesting my goal.

• Setting your alarm clock as your goals– Alarm clocks are always startling because it tells us we need to wake up. However, having your alarm sound as your goals every morning will gently wake you up and put you in the high vibration to set the tone of your day. It’s a light reminder that it’s a new day to work towards your goals. You can also use this for affirmations.

• Set reminders on your phone- Similar to setting your alarm sound as the voice of your goals, having your reminders set throughout the day helps you stay present in what you want.

• Post-it notes- I have mentioned this in a previous post but it’s a great reminder because it’s uncomplicated. Placing post-it notes around your home in the places you mainly go will remind you when your mind is elsewhere what you truly desire and how to work towards them.

 

What’s fun way do you manifest your goals?

Happy 2020! X

7 Things I’ve Learned This Year

We are counting down until the new decade, can you believe 2020 is less than 11 days away; Time has really flown by and this got me reflecting back on the year so far and what I have learned. I have listed 7 top lessons that I want to share with you that has supported me in having a great year and to continue through 2020.

1. No two days are the same- This is something I’ve had to remind myself constantly when a particular day doesn’t go to plan. Just because you might have had a bad day doesn’t mean that tomorrow will be the same. When life presents you with something,  you get to choose how you react, you are in control of your emotions and feeling. By simply switching the thought, language and emotion you can transform your reality.

2. Don’t beat yourself up- This kind of goes hand in hand with the first one, when reflecting on a past experience that could have been handled a different way, don’t overthink and beat yourself up about it. There was a reason why that particular situation went the way it did, because at that moment you were living your truth and what felt authentic to you. It is also a great learning experience in what you would do differently if the same situation presented itself again.

3. Celebrate your wins – 2019 was the year for achievements for everyone whether small or big, I saw so many people online and in real life celebrating their wins. Even I was celebrating and usually, I find it difficult because I constantly think about what I could have done better ( the perfectionist in me). Celebrating your highlights is such a great way to boost self-esteem and confidence within yourself (how ironic that little mix-power is playing in the background while I write).

4. Smile and Laugh- Smile and laugh as many times as you can. Laugh until your belly is aching, that is the best laugh!

5. Take time out for you- Take time to do things for you. I can’t stress enough that when you take time out for yourself you are reengerising your physical and mental self. Doing something you enjoy also spark creativity and inspiration for any projects you might have started or wanted to start.

6. Step out your comfort zone- What the saying… ”Everything you want is on the other side of fear” and it’s so true. Stepping into the unknown can be uncomfortable for many reasons, but when you take that big leap of faith the reward you reap is amazing.

7. Be your authentic self- We are often told we have to present a certain way of ourselves to different people for them to engage or like us but, when you lose who you are, it can be very detrimental to your identity. You start to have conflicting messages about who you really are and what you like. Being authentically yourself is to stand in your truth and not be swayed if someone does not like it.

What did you learn in 2019?

 

Live a powerful life X

Are You Suffering From Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is that niggling feeling that your achievement is due to sheer of luck or it’s a fluke so you downplay it and when you receive praise and compliments, you feel like a fraud; a feeling of the idea that you did not work as hard as everyone’s praising you for. The term was coined by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in the 70’s, they observed a bunch of high achieving women and when they spoke to them, they told Pauline and Suzanne that they felt inadequate in their career or in general.  Imposter syndrome does not discriminate and can take form in anyone. You might have experienced imposter syndrome and/or currently experiencing this feeling and not known what it’s called.

There are 5 types of imposter syndrome:

 

1.The perfectionist- The perfectionist is someone who focuses on getting everything meticulous. If it’s not 100% they tend to feel like their world has fallen apart. As a result of this, a perfectionist feels like a failure.

 

2. The expert- The pressure that the expert puts on to themselves is the idea that they must know anything and everything. They need to be tooled up with information and knowledge even if its insignificant/unnecessary information. When they feel a lack of knowledge on their part, they feel a sense of shame and beat themselves up because they believe they should have known.

 

3. The soloist– The soloist believes to get anything done correctly or on time it needs to be done by themselves. This type of person reframes from asking for help because they see it as a sign of weakness.

 

4. The natural genius– The natural genius holds on to the idea that they need to know something straight away. The thought of taking a while to understand a skill or subject is not apart of this type of person thought pattern.

 

5. The super person– Often referred to as the superwomen/man or student. This type of person judges their ability on how many things they can take on without asking for any help. Their idea of competence is to juggle everything all at once, hence the name.

 

 

I have been feeling the perfectionist type for the past month hence the lack of blog post. I went into a thought loop of if my post is not 100% perfect then there is no point in putting it out and I would feel like I’ve let you all down. It one I am still battling with but over the past week or so, I am learning to let go and trust. Trust that through my work people will hear my message, it doesn’t have to be perfect because there is no such thing!

 

As it’s a new month, I would like you to promise yourself this December that you will celebrate every success you achieve this month, you will actively seek to learn something new and  if you need extra support-ASK! people are there to support you.

 

Live a harmonious life x

 

 

CAN YOU IDENTIFY YOUR TOXIC BEHAVIOUR?

When we hear the word toxic it is usually to describe a person who has present different behaviour. Toxicity can be recognised through an individual manipulating, making you feel bad or a toxic habit of some kind. When someone is displaying toxic behaviour, it is noticeable and we try to steer away from them. But, what happens when we are the toxic individual? It is harder to recognise our toxic habits because we have engrained into ourself this is who we are, this makeup of ourselves comes from past trauma or experiences we later project on to others. These patterns become so unrecognisable we are too blind to see it. We might see people slowly walk out of our lives or you hear the same comment about yourself from various people. This is a major sign that you might be displaying toxic behaviour. Toxic behaviour can be in many forms, below I have suggested types of toxic habits people might use.

If you can relate to any of the above habits or recognise other habits within you, then congratulations you are a step further than most people. Becoming aware of something that you have not noticed before brings you in the reflection mode and being honest with yourself is one of the hardest things a person can do. It reveals a hidden truth that you don’t want to admit or did not see. Recognising and being aware of these habits that can often be toxic will allow you to enter the phase of self reflection, self reflection is an on going process, a true and honest way of growing mentally and emotionally. Reflection and adaptation also allows you to create healthier relationships between yourself and others.

Sit down with yourself and identify what toxic behaviours/habits you possess. Once you’ve written that down, think about how this has affected your relationships over the year. Have you heard the same comment about yourself from different people? Be super transparent with yourself, no matter how much it hurts. From the identification stage, it is time to work on changing that pattern that you have become accustomed to.

 

Stay Grounded X

THE ADVANTAGE OF A GROWTH MINDSET

In my recent post, I gave a beginner crash course of the terms fixed and growth mindset. Now we’re going to delve into the long-lasting benefits from having a growth mindset over a fixed mindset.

A recap of the fixed mindset- Is a person who has a setback and as a result, feels like the world is attacking them through interaction they experience throughout the day. They often look at their misfortune as a failure.

The fixed mindset can have a person stuck, unable to unlock their potential because they are focused on getting something ‘perfect’, right or being successful. When the outcome they expect does not come into fruition, they beat themselves up for it.
For example, A women called Sally takes a numeracy test for her to become a qualified teacher, she sits the exams and within a few weeks, she gets the results back. The result is in and she finds out she has not passed, Sally was 5 marks away from passing. Sally was convinced that she would pass and now is feeling worthless and like a failure, because she has not passed.
People who believe their failures equate to their self worth tend to strive more for perfection because one test/experience determines their smartness. This causes detrimental feelings of feeling inadequate unless they are succeeding. This can start from as early as childhood, a remark that was once said about you not succeeding can result in a lifetime of trying to succeed and not feeling like the 5-year-old you.

If you’re currently in a fixed mindset, fear not! You can change your mindset to help you become the greatest version of your conscious and subconscious self.

On the other hand, a growth mindset is seen as a process, a continual line of improvement, a place where a person’s ability is not limited and their setbacks do not correspond to their being. Through learning successful and ‘failing’ experiences, these types of people can learn from the lessons and apply what they’ve been taught in a new direction. When something is a challenge for them, they thrive on putting in the effort and reaching the outcome through creative risks. They are not worried what people say because they know in their hearts they going to reach their goal and no set back will defeat that.

A person with a growth mindset can:

• Improve on feedback and criticism they have been told

 

• Complete difficult task

 

• Not give up and put effort into a task

This is a habit we should all be forming if we want to be more intentional with our minds.

Below are tips and reminders on upgrading your mindset:

• Remember growth over success. Your failures do not define you as a person

 

• ‘Every rejection is a redirection‘. Just because you’ve had a setback, does not mean you are failing and you should give up.

 

• It takes time and patience. This is not an overnight formed habit, it requires a lot of patience.

 

• As humans we are constantly learning, what would life be like if we knew everything already. Where would the feeling of growth and achievement be?

 

 

It’s time to unlock your full potnetial X

TUNE IN AND LISTEN TO YOURSELF

 

When was the last time you listened and took your own advice?

The definition of trust is a ‘firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of something or someone’. The word is normally given to an external source
We gain trust through life experiences and people.

What is the definition of listening,’ to give one’s attention to a sound’. The two terms trust and listening go hand in hand when experiencing any situation in life.
I want to talk about how we openly listen and trust others but find it hard to listen and trust our inner voice. Here’s an example, When you need answers to a specific question, the first answer is found within you. You listen to the receiving answer, but sometimes the answer is not that convincing, so you seek further answers from other sources, usually people you trust(it’s that word again). You go to that trusted person and they tell you the same answer you told yourself earlier. You take on that advice and have more faith in the decision.

But, why did you not listen and trust yourself in beginning to know that you were already making the right decision for you?

We are all guilty of this! It’s a natural habit to some of us when we need guidance that we are doing the right things. Our intuition is there for a reason, it’s there to communicate with you and to hear the message you need to listen.
To understand how to sharpen your mind and learn to listen and trust your intuition there are a few things that can help you along the way:

• The most effortless one is to simply listen. Sit still and listen to what your mind and body are telling you. That will give you a big indicator of how you are feeling towards your question. It can come in many forms a feeling, a sound or lyrics in a song.
• Understand when you are feeling negative, it can cloud your judgement

 

• Trust the feelings you get, they are there to protect you

 

•  When receiving the right message, you will fee feel calm with a sense of knowing