How to Identify your triggers

We have a trigger whether something small or big, whether from childhood or adulthood. We all have something that brings up emotions we don’t like to identify with. 

When we’re triggered it can show up as

• Past traumas
• Rejection
• Fear
• Abandonment 
• Grief
• Anger
• Sadness
• Hurt
• Unworthiness
• Unloved
• Defensive

Sometimes we can get triggered from an experience and don’t know why we’ve reacted in a way we did.

Sitting in the uncomfortable can lead to vulnerability that you don’t want to face or relive. However, delving into the feeling can help you feel more in control of your feelings.

When a triggering thought or emotion comes up, ask yourself where is this coming from? Is it your ego convincing you that it’s true or is there factual evidence that show you otherwise. We can get caught up in the narrative the experience from our past is a belief system that is factual true. What we forget in the moment is that those so called belief systems have stemmed from heighten emotion and overthinking which causes an illusion to how we perceive things.

Once identifying the triggers, you can start the process of changing the way you view your triggers.

Allow yourself to feel- Allow yourself to feel all the emotions without attaching the old story to it. You can do this by watching the thought but not engaging with it, as once you give in to the thought, you’ll start to attract like minded thoughts(your past) and create a scenario that is not true.

Compassion(speak kindly)- We can be mean to ourselves and speak in a way we would never speak to our friends and family. When you hear yourself judging your experience or emotion, remember to speak to kindly to yourself like how you would speak to a loved one. It easier to have compassion and give advice to a friend because there’s not attached emotion on our side, try to experiment without attaching your emotions to your experience and see how differently you speak to yourself.

Rewrite the narrative- Yes, the experiences in the past have made you feel X,Y and Z but not every person or thing is out there to hurt you. Changing the way you speak about your thoughts, emotions and past experience allows you to welcome more intimacy within your life, allowing the people who respect and value you to enter your safe space.

Signs of Codependency

What is co-dependency?

Codependency is heavily relying on something or someone to aid a persons emotional needs and boost their self esteem.

The origin of the term codependency was coined in the 1980s and was referred to substance abuse within individuals. Since the 80’s the term has been used frequently in response to wellbeing, mental health, and domestic violence.

Codependency looks like attaching yourself to someone you love and when you’re not around them, you feel sad, lonely or you feel like someone has taken away your joy.

Basic human instincts are to be loved and to be cared for and we can all agree when we feel loved, we feel happier in our relationships and it creates a stronger bond.

When it can turn unhealthy is when an individual’s mood is impacted by someone not being in the space and their life depends on that person. The extreme end of codependency can detrimental to not only the individual’s mental health but the recipient too.

Codependency can be subtle but through continual self-development of unlearning this habit, therapy, and journaling. A person can find themselves becoming less dependant and standing in their power.

The signs of codependency:

• Finding it hard to say no
• Putting others needs before yours
• Not establishing your boundaries
• Breaking your boundaries
• You feel you have to ‘fix’ people
• Being dependant on others in fear of abandonment

 

4 SIGNS YOU’RE SELF SABOTAGING

We all dream about being successful and for many of us this is something we are working on but, there is this one thing that keeps stopping us and that is ourselves. Self-sabotage is the act of stopping one’s self from achieving our goals and dreams. Here are some ways that self-sabotage is contributing to your life.

 

 

1.Comparison- You compare yourself to others and their achievements and question your ability to being ‘not good enough’.

 

2. Procrastination- When a deadline is near you tend to procrastinate; you distract yourself from what you need to do by doing unnecessary activities that don’t contribute to what you need to focus on. And when you try to go back into the routine you find it hard to keep up motivation.

 

3. Negative self-talk- This coincides with procrastination, when you’re putting something off, it can start to be governed by your fear and your ego ( that annoying voice that tells you we can’t do anything), when you hear your ego talking, you can feel disheartened and feed into the negative self-thought that ‘you’re not good enough’ or you’re not like that person who’s thriving.

 

4. You’re focusing on the problem and not the solution- When a problem occurs, all 3 previous signs play a massive role in your self-sabotage. You start to immerse yourself in what is wrong and let the emotions take over. It can lead to not thinking logically about the solution that can help you get out of this problem and this feeling.

Can you identify with one of these signs?……

Now that you’ve identified with one or more signs what ways can you combat this? Let’s see how we can create a solution.

Solutions to these signs can look like:

1. Focus- Focusing on your journey and the achievements you have made during your lifetime. Celebrating how far you have come can help boost your self-confidence to achieve more.

2. Weed out what is not necessary- Nowadays it’s quite easy to get yourself distract through your phone, tv, conversations, and many other things. To counteract procrastination. Why not remove any unnecessary devices out of your space or if you’re getting distracted by someone you can politely request that you would like 30 minutes to yourself without being distracted.

3. Change your tune-It’s easy to listen and get consumed by your negative thoughts when it’s running at 100 mph and your ego starts to project their fears on to you and, it’s also scary the thought of failure as no one likes to feel that way, but, by changing the way you speak to yourself and/or of situations can present a different outcome. Wouldn’t you rather say ‘I’m glad I took the risk and did that’, instead of ‘I wish I did that’.

4. Solution >Problem-A great way to overcome a problem is to remove yourself and look at it from a Birdseye view. Remove the ‘I’ statement and see what can be done to change this problem into a solution.

 

”Self-sabotage kills more dreams than failure ever will”– The Grounded Tree

How To Use Your Phone Intentionally

 

We are in a digital era where technology is rapidly moving forward and new social apps keep popping up everywhere. We enter the rabbit hole of aimlessly scrolling through these apps, constantly updating ourselves with the latest news and sharing information with the world to get a response. We are inundated with a unanimous amount of information about the harm our phones are doing to us.

So what can we do to change this worldwide discussion on the negativities about our phones?

It all lies in the intent of using the phone.

The producers of technology thrive from our constant use of technology, have you ever noticed whenever you get a message your phone brightly lights up or when you get a notification the sounds or vibrations lasted a bit longer than usual? Theses are all savvy techniques to keep up connected to our phones and they’ve been planted so in-depth within us, it’s automatic reaction to grab it.

We all fall into this trap including myself. I have a love-hate relationship with my phone because on numerous occasions( too many that I want to admit) I will be using my phone for a particular reason and then all of a sudden my finger has exited out of the thing I was intended to be using and automatically, I unconsciously head over the social apps where I spend an endless amount of hours scrolling through, trying to get to the end of the page; which you’re not able to because the creators want you to keep scrolling. In the end, I feel unproductive and wasted an insane amount of time.

So how do we intentionally use our phone? Here are some daily habits you can do to intentionally use your phone:

• Having a habit tracker will enable you to keep a record on how productive and intentional you are doing with your task- I use an app called Habit that sends reminders on healthy habits you would like to form. As you tick off the habit for the day, the percentage goes up and before you realise it will be 100% and you’ve formed a long term healthy habit.

 

• Having a set timer or blocker that helps you stay off your phone can boost your productivity and not heavily rely on your phone for social use.

 

• Don’t use your phone before you go to bed- You will often find yourself not being able to sleep from the brightly lit screen.

 

• Only use your phone for what you need to do!

 

• Create a phone-free zone

 

• Turn your phone upside down, this will help from constantly picking up your phone when a notification arrives.

 

 

What are your top tips for using your phone intentionally?

 

 

Live everyday with gratitude X

Are You Suffering From Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is that niggling feeling that your achievement is due to sheer of luck or it’s a fluke so you downplay it and when you receive praise and compliments, you feel like a fraud; a feeling of the idea that you did not work as hard as everyone’s praising you for. The term was coined by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in the 70’s, they observed a bunch of high achieving women and when they spoke to them, they told Pauline and Suzanne that they felt inadequate in their career or in general.  Imposter syndrome does not discriminate and can take form in anyone. You might have experienced imposter syndrome and/or currently experiencing this feeling and not known what it’s called.

There are 5 types of imposter syndrome:

 

1.The perfectionist- The perfectionist is someone who focuses on getting everything meticulous. If it’s not 100% they tend to feel like their world has fallen apart. As a result of this, a perfectionist feels like a failure.

 

2. The expert- The pressure that the expert puts on to themselves is the idea that they must know anything and everything. They need to be tooled up with information and knowledge even if its insignificant/unnecessary information. When they feel a lack of knowledge on their part, they feel a sense of shame and beat themselves up because they believe they should have known.

 

3. The soloist– The soloist believes to get anything done correctly or on time it needs to be done by themselves. This type of person reframes from asking for help because they see it as a sign of weakness.

 

4. The natural genius– The natural genius holds on to the idea that they need to know something straight away. The thought of taking a while to understand a skill or subject is not apart of this type of person thought pattern.

 

5. The super person– Often referred to as the superwomen/man or student. This type of person judges their ability on how many things they can take on without asking for any help. Their idea of competence is to juggle everything all at once, hence the name.

 

 

I have been feeling the perfectionist type for the past month hence the lack of blog post. I went into a thought loop of if my post is not 100% perfect then there is no point in putting it out and I would feel like I’ve let you all down. It one I am still battling with but over the past week or so, I am learning to let go and trust. Trust that through my work people will hear my message, it doesn’t have to be perfect because there is no such thing!

 

As it’s a new month, I would like you to promise yourself this December that you will celebrate every success you achieve this month, you will actively seek to learn something new and  if you need extra support-ASK! people are there to support you.

 

Live a harmonious life x

 

 

HOW TO INCREASE YOUR FREQUENCY

 

When you are stuck in a rut it is so difficult to get yourself out of it. 

Have you ever stuck to a healthy eating habit and then one day fell off, then the more you consumed unhealthily, the more sluggish and in-active you felt. I know I have been there before. My mind and body, in the beginning, start to get comfortable with what I’m consuming and it becomes enjoyable until I start seeing the results such as putting on weight and feeling slow and then I realise I am vibrating on a frequency that does not do me any justice.

When you resonate at a lower frequency you indulge in things that are not good for you because you seek comfort in these things in contrast to when you are vibrating at a high frequency your mood lifts, more opportunities come your way and you become more grateful.

For a moment I want you to think about what frequency you are vibrating on.

In different areas of our lives we can be frequenting much higher than others and once recognised we can lift the energy so in all areas of our lives we can vibrate on the highest frequency.

Did you know, the human body vibrates on Megahertz (MHz) this is the number of frequencies that occur in a second. A healthy body frequency measures at 62-73MHz, when we start to get ill or weak our frequency drops to 58MHz which results in illness. If our body suddenly drops below that around 42MHz, that is a case of cancer cells in the body and anything below 42MHz is a sign of becoming much weaker and fragile which can affect the longevity of a person.

 

We want to be frequenting between 62-73MHz so, how do we do that? Below are some examples to get you in a high vibe state!

• Food/Drinks – What we consume is a huge factor in how we feel physically and emotionally. Eating processed food, junk food, dairy products and meat(3-5MHz) can lower your frequency. I am not saying to completely cut off these things you eat but be aware of what you consume and how many times in a day/week/month. To increase your vibration increase on the amount of natural, raw, organic foods you eat, for example, fruits, vegetables (70MHz) or nuts(almonds is 50MHz). I am not here to preach and say do not eat meat or dairy but perhaps be aware of the food you are consuming, by simply changing smalls habits in your routine you can vibrate on a healthy frequency. In addition to food, caffeine and alcohol can considerably lower your frequency. Ever woken up after a night out and feel completely deflated and sad? That is your frequency being lowered which affects your mind, body, and environment, it is all connected.

 

• Thoughts- Our thoughts ultimately connect to anything on this list, when we feel sad, lonely or depressed we frequent at such low energy which invites more negative thoughts, feelings, experiences. I think we can all say we have felt some type of low energy before and actually as humans we need to feel different emotions, you cant experience happy with sadness and vice versa but, when it’s a constant ongoing emotion that is a sign that for professional medical assistance. However, increasing your frequency can be so simple, listing 5 things that you’re grateful for can level you up, a random act of kindness, my favourites laughing and dancing, moving your body changes the way you feel. Change your language- stop using any self-sabotaging language as I cant, I will never, opt for I will, I can or I have.

 

• Essential oil- Essential oil can enhance your wellbeing and has a feel-good element to it (here is a list of what each essential oil frequents at). To feel the ultimate high vibe whenever you feel a shift start carrying some essential oil around with you and see how different you feel. Essential oils range from 40-320MHz, Rose oil vibrates at the highest 320MHz. If using a diffuser please be aware of using it near any pets especially cats.

 

• Doing something you enjoy- Getting back to hobbies you enjoy is a great way to higher your vibration or perhaps start a new hobby you’ve always wanted to do. Always wanted to learn a new language, do some DIY craft making or learn calligraphy.

 

• Spend time with high vibe people- When someone is radiating positive energy, you can’t help but want to be around them, you want to match their energy. As the great techniques of Law of Attraction, like attracts like so if you spend time with the people who have high vibes or the people you love, it will instantly raise your vibration.

 

 

Live a harmonious life X

THE ADVANTAGE OF A GROWTH MINDSET

In my recent post, I gave a beginner crash course of the terms fixed and growth mindset. Now we’re going to delve into the long-lasting benefits from having a growth mindset over a fixed mindset.

A recap of the fixed mindset- Is a person who has a setback and as a result, feels like the world is attacking them through interaction they experience throughout the day. They often look at their misfortune as a failure.

The fixed mindset can have a person stuck, unable to unlock their potential because they are focused on getting something ‘perfect’, right or being successful. When the outcome they expect does not come into fruition, they beat themselves up for it.
For example, A women called Sally takes a numeracy test for her to become a qualified teacher, she sits the exams and within a few weeks, she gets the results back. The result is in and she finds out she has not passed, Sally was 5 marks away from passing. Sally was convinced that she would pass and now is feeling worthless and like a failure, because she has not passed.
People who believe their failures equate to their self worth tend to strive more for perfection because one test/experience determines their smartness. This causes detrimental feelings of feeling inadequate unless they are succeeding. This can start from as early as childhood, a remark that was once said about you not succeeding can result in a lifetime of trying to succeed and not feeling like the 5-year-old you.

If you’re currently in a fixed mindset, fear not! You can change your mindset to help you become the greatest version of your conscious and subconscious self.

On the other hand, a growth mindset is seen as a process, a continual line of improvement, a place where a person’s ability is not limited and their setbacks do not correspond to their being. Through learning successful and ‘failing’ experiences, these types of people can learn from the lessons and apply what they’ve been taught in a new direction. When something is a challenge for them, they thrive on putting in the effort and reaching the outcome through creative risks. They are not worried what people say because they know in their hearts they going to reach their goal and no set back will defeat that.

A person with a growth mindset can:

• Improve on feedback and criticism they have been told

 

• Complete difficult task

 

• Not give up and put effort into a task

This is a habit we should all be forming if we want to be more intentional with our minds.

Below are tips and reminders on upgrading your mindset:

• Remember growth over success. Your failures do not define you as a person

 

• ‘Every rejection is a redirection‘. Just because you’ve had a setback, does not mean you are failing and you should give up.

 

• It takes time and patience. This is not an overnight formed habit, it requires a lot of patience.

 

• As humans we are constantly learning, what would life be like if we knew everything already. Where would the feeling of growth and achievement be?

 

 

It’s time to unlock your full potnetial X

FIXED MINDSET VS GROWTH MINDSET

You’ve might have heard these two terms but never knew what they explicitly mean. The fixed and growth mindset derives from Dr. Carol Dweck, who believe that humans carry two types of mindsets and how we experience life can be effective by the types of mindset we have. She is known for her work in psychology especially in human interaction and understanding peoples beliefs about their intelligence.

I’m here to give you a little crash course in what the two are and the benefits of having one type of mindset over another.

So what exactly is fixed and growth mindset?

A fixed mindset is having an outcome not turn out how a person expects and feeling like a complete failure and as a result of this feeling, every other experience, and interaction they have throughout the day, results in the same feeling of reject, the feeling the worlds out to get them and worthless. It is quite common for people with anxiety to have these reoccurring thoughts that can spiral out into days, weeks or even a month.
This feeling of failure can have a person reacting through overthinking or engaging in unhealthy substance to suppress their feelings for example, Alcohol drugs.

What is a growth mindset:
A growth mindset is having an outcome not turn out how a person might have expected but understanding that it is not the end of the world and the result they have will either push them to work differently, take inspired action from the outcome, see what they can do to improve or seek help. It’s about acknowledging the experiences and instead of blaming your self-worth, you take the movement to change your reality.

Which category do you think you are in? 

Fixed mindset, Growth mindset or Both?

 

 

 

 
Stay tuned to find out how you can benefit from changing to a growth mindset.
Be True, Be You X

WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES, ANOTHER OPENS

 

If you’ve ever visited or currently live in London you’ll notice at each station there is a board with a thought of the day consisting of quotes, a riddle or a fun message to spread to the public.
Recently, I saw a quote and the first half struck me, it stated ‘’When one door closes, another one opens’’. And it’s so true. When we don’t get the results we want, we automatically start to think about what we could have done better or different but, we never stop to think that by us not getting that outcome, we are being redirected into the opportunity that is meant for us. As cliche as it sounds, it holds some weight to it. If an opportunity or experience is meant for you, it won’t see you by.
So if you’re feeling knocked back by rejection, consider that you are being aligned to the right thing for you. Trust that everything works in your favour!!

 

Stay Grounded X

 

TUNE IN AND LISTEN TO YOURSELF

 

When was the last time you listened and took your own advice?

The definition of trust is a ‘firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of something or someone’. The word is normally given to an external source
We gain trust through life experiences and people.

What is the definition of listening,’ to give one’s attention to a sound’. The two terms trust and listening go hand in hand when experiencing any situation in life.
I want to talk about how we openly listen and trust others but find it hard to listen and trust our inner voice. Here’s an example, When you need answers to a specific question, the first answer is found within you. You listen to the receiving answer, but sometimes the answer is not that convincing, so you seek further answers from other sources, usually people you trust(it’s that word again). You go to that trusted person and they tell you the same answer you told yourself earlier. You take on that advice and have more faith in the decision.

But, why did you not listen and trust yourself in beginning to know that you were already making the right decision for you?

We are all guilty of this! It’s a natural habit to some of us when we need guidance that we are doing the right things. Our intuition is there for a reason, it’s there to communicate with you and to hear the message you need to listen.
To understand how to sharpen your mind and learn to listen and trust your intuition there are a few things that can help you along the way:

• The most effortless one is to simply listen. Sit still and listen to what your mind and body are telling you. That will give you a big indicator of how you are feeling towards your question. It can come in many forms a feeling, a sound or lyrics in a song.
• Understand when you are feeling negative, it can cloud your judgement

 

• Trust the feelings you get, they are there to protect you

 

•  When receiving the right message, you will fee feel calm with a sense of knowing