4 SIGNS YOU’RE SELF SABOTAGING

We all dream about being successful and for many of us this is something we are working on but, there is this one thing that keeps stopping us and that is ourselves. Self-sabotage is the act of stopping one’s self from achieving our goals and dreams. Here are some ways that self-sabotage is contributing to your life.

 

 

1.Comparison- You compare yourself to others and their achievements and question your ability to being ‘not good enough’.

 

2. Procrastination- When a deadline is near you tend to procrastinate; you distract yourself from what you need to do by doing unnecessary activities that don’t contribute to what you need to focus on. And when you try to go back into the routine you find it hard to keep up motivation.

 

3. Negative self-talk- This coincides with procrastination, when you’re putting something off, it can start to be governed by your fear and your ego ( that annoying voice that tells you we can’t do anything), when you hear your ego talking, you can feel disheartened and feed into the negative self-thought that ‘you’re not good enough’ or you’re not like that person who’s thriving.

 

4. You’re focusing on the problem and not the solution- When a problem occurs, all 3 previous signs play a massive role in your self-sabotage. You start to immerse yourself in what is wrong and let the emotions take over. It can lead to not thinking logically about the solution that can help you get out of this problem and this feeling.

Can you identify with one of these signs?……

Now that you’ve identified with one or more signs what ways can you combat this? Let’s see how we can create a solution.

Solutions to these signs can look like:

1. Focus- Focusing on your journey and the achievements you have made during your lifetime. Celebrating how far you have come can help boost your self-confidence to achieve more.

2. Weed out what is not necessary- Nowadays it’s quite easy to get yourself distract through your phone, tv, conversations, and many other things. To counteract procrastination. Why not remove any unnecessary devices out of your space or if you’re getting distracted by someone you can politely request that you would like 30 minutes to yourself without being distracted.

3. Change your tune-It’s easy to listen and get consumed by your negative thoughts when it’s running at 100 mph and your ego starts to project their fears on to you and, it’s also scary the thought of failure as no one likes to feel that way, but, by changing the way you speak to yourself and/or of situations can present a different outcome. Wouldn’t you rather say ‘I’m glad I took the risk and did that’, instead of ‘I wish I did that’.

4. Solution >Problem-A great way to overcome a problem is to remove yourself and look at it from a Birdseye view. Remove the ‘I’ statement and see what can be done to change this problem into a solution.

 

”Self-sabotage kills more dreams than failure ever will”– The Grounded Tree

7 Things I’ve Learned This Year

We are counting down until the new decade, can you believe 2020 is less than 11 days away; Time has really flown by and this got me reflecting back on the year so far and what I have learned. I have listed 7 top lessons that I want to share with you that has supported me in having a great year and to continue through 2020.

1. No two days are the same- This is something I’ve had to remind myself constantly when a particular day doesn’t go to plan. Just because you might have had a bad day doesn’t mean that tomorrow will be the same. When life presents you with something,  you get to choose how you react, you are in control of your emotions and feeling. By simply switching the thought, language and emotion you can transform your reality.

2. Don’t beat yourself up- This kind of goes hand in hand with the first one, when reflecting on a past experience that could have been handled a different way, don’t overthink and beat yourself up about it. There was a reason why that particular situation went the way it did, because at that moment you were living your truth and what felt authentic to you. It is also a great learning experience in what you would do differently if the same situation presented itself again.

3. Celebrate your wins – 2019 was the year for achievements for everyone whether small or big, I saw so many people online and in real life celebrating their wins. Even I was celebrating and usually, I find it difficult because I constantly think about what I could have done better ( the perfectionist in me). Celebrating your highlights is such a great way to boost self-esteem and confidence within yourself (how ironic that little mix-power is playing in the background while I write).

4. Smile and Laugh- Smile and laugh as many times as you can. Laugh until your belly is aching, that is the best laugh!

5. Take time out for you- Take time to do things for you. I can’t stress enough that when you take time out for yourself you are reengerising your physical and mental self. Doing something you enjoy also spark creativity and inspiration for any projects you might have started or wanted to start.

6. Step out your comfort zone- What the saying… ”Everything you want is on the other side of fear” and it’s so true. Stepping into the unknown can be uncomfortable for many reasons, but when you take that big leap of faith the reward you reap is amazing.

7. Be your authentic self- We are often told we have to present a certain way of ourselves to different people for them to engage or like us but, when you lose who you are, it can be very detrimental to your identity. You start to have conflicting messages about who you really are and what you like. Being authentically yourself is to stand in your truth and not be swayed if someone does not like it.

What did you learn in 2019?

 

Live a powerful life X

Are You Suffering From Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is that niggling feeling that your achievement is due to sheer of luck or it’s a fluke so you downplay it and when you receive praise and compliments, you feel like a fraud; a feeling of the idea that you did not work as hard as everyone’s praising you for. The term was coined by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in the 70’s, they observed a bunch of high achieving women and when they spoke to them, they told Pauline and Suzanne that they felt inadequate in their career or in general.  Imposter syndrome does not discriminate and can take form in anyone. You might have experienced imposter syndrome and/or currently experiencing this feeling and not known what it’s called.

There are 5 types of imposter syndrome:

 

1.The perfectionist- The perfectionist is someone who focuses on getting everything meticulous. If it’s not 100% they tend to feel like their world has fallen apart. As a result of this, a perfectionist feels like a failure.

 

2. The expert- The pressure that the expert puts on to themselves is the idea that they must know anything and everything. They need to be tooled up with information and knowledge even if its insignificant/unnecessary information. When they feel a lack of knowledge on their part, they feel a sense of shame and beat themselves up because they believe they should have known.

 

3. The soloist– The soloist believes to get anything done correctly or on time it needs to be done by themselves. This type of person reframes from asking for help because they see it as a sign of weakness.

 

4. The natural genius– The natural genius holds on to the idea that they need to know something straight away. The thought of taking a while to understand a skill or subject is not apart of this type of person thought pattern.

 

5. The super person– Often referred to as the superwomen/man or student. This type of person judges their ability on how many things they can take on without asking for any help. Their idea of competence is to juggle everything all at once, hence the name.

 

 

I have been feeling the perfectionist type for the past month hence the lack of blog post. I went into a thought loop of if my post is not 100% perfect then there is no point in putting it out and I would feel like I’ve let you all down. It one I am still battling with but over the past week or so, I am learning to let go and trust. Trust that through my work people will hear my message, it doesn’t have to be perfect because there is no such thing!

 

As it’s a new month, I would like you to promise yourself this December that you will celebrate every success you achieve this month, you will actively seek to learn something new and  if you need extra support-ASK! people are there to support you.

 

Live a harmonious life x

 

 

FUEL YOUR CURIOSITY

 

Do you ever feel like you don’t know what your purpose in life is?

 Do you struggle with finding a new hobby?  

You are not alone! Trying to figure out what you would like to do can be one of the most overwhelming feelings, you don’t know where to start so you google ‘How to find a hobby or how to know what you want to do in life?’ (don’t feel ashamed, we’ve all been there) and then there is an endless list of activities or jobs but, somehow they don’t spark joy within you, so it back to the drawing board.

We always look outwards for answers but sometimes the answers are always within us, our thoughts nudge us in the direction but we choose to ignore it. Have you ever been called to do something but you ignore it and the more you ignore it, the more the thought persists. It’s your intuition telling you to fuel your curiosity and act upon it. When you try something new is always exciting with a hint scary but you always feel better after doing it.
Take me, for example, earlier this year I had a thought about wanting to learn tarot and I wasn’t sure how to so I decided to leave it. A few months later the same persisting thought of learning how to do tarot came up again and this time I acted upon it. Fast forward to the present day and I have a new found love for tarot readings and can spend an endless amount of hours actively doing it and also watching others do it. If I didn’t fuel my curiosity, I wouldn’t be having the enjoyment I have today for a newfound love.
Not every time you fuel your curiosity will you get the result you want but it better to say I am glad for this experience than what if.

If there’s one piece of advice I want you to take away today, it would be this. If you keep getting repeated calling to travel, create a business, study, learn a new activity, move homes or any kind of desire. Act upon it!! You never know where it might take you!

 

Live a harmonious life X

CAN YOU IDENTIFY YOUR TOXIC BEHAVIOUR?

When we hear the word toxic it is usually to describe a person who has present different behaviour. Toxicity can be recognised through an individual manipulating, making you feel bad or a toxic habit of some kind. When someone is displaying toxic behaviour, it is noticeable and we try to steer away from them. But, what happens when we are the toxic individual? It is harder to recognise our toxic habits because we have engrained into ourself this is who we are, this makeup of ourselves comes from past trauma or experiences we later project on to others. These patterns become so unrecognisable we are too blind to see it. We might see people slowly walk out of our lives or you hear the same comment about yourself from various people. This is a major sign that you might be displaying toxic behaviour. Toxic behaviour can be in many forms, below I have suggested types of toxic habits people might use.

If you can relate to any of the above habits or recognise other habits within you, then congratulations you are a step further than most people. Becoming aware of something that you have not noticed before brings you in the reflection mode and being honest with yourself is one of the hardest things a person can do. It reveals a hidden truth that you don’t want to admit or did not see. Recognising and being aware of these habits that can often be toxic will allow you to enter the phase of self reflection, self reflection is an on going process, a true and honest way of growing mentally and emotionally. Reflection and adaptation also allows you to create healthier relationships between yourself and others.

Sit down with yourself and identify what toxic behaviours/habits you possess. Once you’ve written that down, think about how this has affected your relationships over the year. Have you heard the same comment about yourself from different people? Be super transparent with yourself, no matter how much it hurts. From the identification stage, it is time to work on changing that pattern that you have become accustomed to.

 

Stay Grounded X

FIXED MINDSET VS GROWTH MINDSET

You’ve might have heard these two terms but never knew what they explicitly mean. The fixed and growth mindset derives from Dr. Carol Dweck, who believe that humans carry two types of mindsets and how we experience life can be effective by the types of mindset we have. She is known for her work in psychology especially in human interaction and understanding peoples beliefs about their intelligence.

I’m here to give you a little crash course in what the two are and the benefits of having one type of mindset over another.

So what exactly is fixed and growth mindset?

A fixed mindset is having an outcome not turn out how a person expects and feeling like a complete failure and as a result of this feeling, every other experience, and interaction they have throughout the day, results in the same feeling of reject, the feeling the worlds out to get them and worthless. It is quite common for people with anxiety to have these reoccurring thoughts that can spiral out into days, weeks or even a month.
This feeling of failure can have a person reacting through overthinking or engaging in unhealthy substance to suppress their feelings for example, Alcohol drugs.

What is a growth mindset:
A growth mindset is having an outcome not turn out how a person might have expected but understanding that it is not the end of the world and the result they have will either push them to work differently, take inspired action from the outcome, see what they can do to improve or seek help. It’s about acknowledging the experiences and instead of blaming your self-worth, you take the movement to change your reality.

Which category do you think you are in? 

Fixed mindset, Growth mindset or Both?

 

 

 

 
Stay tuned to find out how you can benefit from changing to a growth mindset.
Be True, Be You X

FEELINGS + YOU = 100% HUMAN

 

We currently live in a world where positivity is at an ultimate high and almost makes you feel discouraged if you’re not happy 24/7.
We are human and as humans, we are taught to feel emotions. Emotions are good. Emotions are our minds reacting to things we’ve experienced and from that reaction, we determine whether it was an enjoyable experience or sparked a feeling that didn’t sit with us as well. If you try to be happy 24/7 you will eventually burn out. In a culture that prides itself on not catching feelings, we ultimately remain untruthful to ourselves and has a damaging effect on our mindset.
When I feel an emotion coming on based off an experience that I didn’t like, instead of trying to cover it up and distract myself. I sit with the feeling, I work out why am I reacting in this way, I allow my whole body to feel this emotion. I find ways to express how I feel, mainly through journalling and I note down what has taken place, my reaction to it and how I can move forward in a healthy manner.
I don’t sit with the feeling for too long because that’s when you enter the downward spiral. of overthinking. Once I find an answer, I release this emotion and work on finding a way to bring myself back to a high vibe.

 
For me, feeling my emotions first and reacting later to a situation, helps me diffuse any experience I have towards a person, place or thing. When you react off instinct you can later find yourself regretting something you’ve said. Removing myself and looking at it from a wider perspective enables me to approach in a healthy way.
So, next time you feel betrayal, hurt, anger, confused or any other emotion, sit with the feeling, what is this feeling, what is it telling you and how can you move forward in a healthy manner that benefits you.

 

Stay Grounded X

KNOCK DOWN YOUR WALLS

Our belief system stems from our old habits and thoughts that are repeated over and over again until it’s ingrained in our system. The good, the bad and the ugly are stored in our brain and the pattern we’ve become conditioned to, keeps us ‘safe’. I put the word safe in quotation marks because in hindsight it actually does not keep us safe but affects our experience because we are trapped in the thoughts and habits that don’t work for us but that is all we know.

I am currently reading the Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer for the second time and there is a chapter that sparked inspiration for me. He speaks about a house, a house that is made up of 4 walls and a roof, all around you the walls are filled with your consciousness, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. There is no light, just darkness but, it’s ok because you enjoy this, it is comforting for you. You don’t step beyond the darkness because the certainty of the unknown keeps you. However, you do know that there is natural light outside but you are afraid to step into it.

Now if we think about it, this is how our mind is set up, what we know has slowly stopped us from reaching the other side due to our ego, emotions and thought patterns taking over. This feeling blocks us from the infinite light and abundance that is calling us. For us to reach the infinite light, we need to stand up to the 4 walls, we need to acknowledge what is holding us back, feel the emotion, understand that it no longer works for us and moves past them.

A great quote Micheal said is ‘’You must realize that when you defend yourself, you are really defending your walls. What you are defending is the house you built to protect yourself’’.

Now that gave me shivers!

We need to do intensive work to find solutions that do not keep us trapped and in the defending mode but to move in building a structure that benefits us in a healthy way. When we change our outlook we attract healthy lifestyles, self worth and healthy relationships into our lives.

Stay Grounded X

WHAT IS A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY?

A spiritual journey or spiritual awakening is used interchangeably to describe a journey of old patterns that no longer serve you and has you wanting to move out of that space and into a new one. It’s about taking charge of your life and living your truth. When embarking on this journey it can bring up some feelings and memories you might have blocked, suppressed or haven’t felt before, these feelings make you acknowledge and work on changing these old patterns so they no hold you back in your new sphere.

Each spiritual journey is unique to individuals but the ultimate goal is working through the patterns that hinder your life. You might be thinking how do I know if I am called towards something different? You’ll start to question your current reality and wanting more. Below I collated a few ways in which your soul wants to move in a new direction

• You want more out of life. You might want something to change drastically in your life but you don’t know what

• You are conscious that this version of your life no longer serve you

• You feel a bit lost in life

• You are having more conscious awareness of your negative habits and thoughts

• You want to deeply understand who you are

I’m currently embarking on my own spiritual journey and was one of the reasons why I felt compelled to write this post. I started by answering some question I wrote for myself. And let me tell you it was the hardest thing to do, acknowledging my vulnerability in a way I have never done before. I knew all the answers subconsciously but I just did not want to face it, so I suppress it and suppress it. These questions enabled me to understand why I think the way I do, it helps me understand and recognise the root of the cause. The awakening I want, won’t happen overnight but if I keep reminding myself of the beautiful end goal through this awakening, present me will understand why I have to go through this challenging but rewarding journey.

Below are 10 questions I asked myself at the beginning of my journey. You don’t have to answer all 10, you can pick out the ones that resonate with you or you can complete all 10 questions. Remember to be as detailed as possible. You’ll find more truth hidden in between the lines than what is on the surface.

What are you afraid of?

Why are you scared of failure?

Do you feel like you express enough love to yourself?

Do you respect yourself?

Are you a good example for those around me?

Do the people in your life add value?

Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?

What experiences have not healed your heart?

How would your life be if you did not have any fear or self-doubt?

When was the last time you were truly proud of yourself?

Please keep me updated if you are currently on a spiritual journey, just started or ultimately finished and want to share your journey.

Stay Grounded X

How To Use Affirmations

When people hear the words affirmations, they often roll their eyes, switch off or have a strong opinion of it(usually a bad one) but, I am here to tell you how affirmations can work in your favour.
Affirmations do not have to be standing in the mirror telling yourself ‘you are perfect’ ( because there is no such thing as perfectionism), but, there are countless ways to affirm your words and some of them you don’t even have to say a word.

I’ve tried the whole speaking into the mirror and I quickly found myself either laughing about how silly I look if anyone walked in the room and caught me or I end up criticising myself and noticing all my flaws. So I decided that was not for me and simply moved to an alternative that suited me better. This is when I discovered the power of post-it notes! Now I know, post it notes have always been around and it’s not this new invention but writing my affirmations down on a post-it note and sticking it in places I would see it was a new invention to me. By placing these affirmation notes within eye level enables me to really take moment to read and reflect on them. A few areas that the affirmation notes are dotted around my space is the mirror, light switch and the drawers, I purposely stuck them against these objects because these are the places I go to the most during my morning or day.
I also have set my alarm to be my affirmations to wake me up in the morning via the voice note app on my phone. This helps me to not instantly jump up out of bed and stress but ease myself into the morning.

Setting these intentions can bring you a satisfied feeling of what you want your future to look like. An increase of feeling good via your affirmations allows you to have a great rest of the day because you have started by setting those intentions.

A few other ways to affirm your words are:

• Making it your screensaver

• Sending daily alerts to your phone

• Recording your affirmations and using it as an alarm

• Writing in your journal

• Saying it out loud ( it didn’t work for me but it might work for you)

A list of positive statements:

• I am grateful for my healthy mind, body, and soul

• I am happy with who I am, what I have and with what I will receive

• Success flows to me effortlessly

• I am always on the right path

If you’re new to this, it will feel different for the first few tries, but once you get over the hurdle of awkwardness and start allowing yourself to feel each word you read, speak or repeat, this will become second nature.

Stay Grounded X