How to Identify your triggers

We have a trigger whether something small or big, whether from childhood or adulthood. We all have something that brings up emotions we don’t like to identify with. 

When we’re triggered it can show up as

• Past traumas
• Rejection
• Fear
• Abandonment 
• Grief
• Anger
• Sadness
• Hurt
• Unworthiness
• Unloved
• Defensive

Sometimes we can get triggered from an experience and don’t know why we’ve reacted in a way we did.

Sitting in the uncomfortable can lead to vulnerability that you don’t want to face or relive. However, delving into the feeling can help you feel more in control of your feelings.

When a triggering thought or emotion comes up, ask yourself where is this coming from? Is it your ego convincing you that it’s true or is there factual evidence that show you otherwise. We can get caught up in the narrative the experience from our past is a belief system that is factual true. What we forget in the moment is that those so called belief systems have stemmed from heighten emotion and overthinking which causes an illusion to how we perceive things.

Once identifying the triggers, you can start the process of changing the way you view your triggers.

Allow yourself to feel- Allow yourself to feel all the emotions without attaching the old story to it. You can do this by watching the thought but not engaging with it, as once you give in to the thought, you’ll start to attract like minded thoughts(your past) and create a scenario that is not true.

Compassion(speak kindly)- We can be mean to ourselves and speak in a way we would never speak to our friends and family. When you hear yourself judging your experience or emotion, remember to speak to kindly to yourself like how you would speak to a loved one. It easier to have compassion and give advice to a friend because there’s not attached emotion on our side, try to experiment without attaching your emotions to your experience and see how differently you speak to yourself.

Rewrite the narrative- Yes, the experiences in the past have made you feel X,Y and Z but not every person or thing is out there to hurt you. Changing the way you speak about your thoughts, emotions and past experience allows you to welcome more intimacy within your life, allowing the people who respect and value you to enter your safe space.

Feeling lost can be a good thing

Have you ever felt or currently feeling lost in what direction to take next?
Do you feel like you’re stuck in life?

If you answered yes to the above questions then you are not alone. During our lives, we have all felt lost in where we are heading next, especially during this pandemic where our lives have been turned upside down and we had to make major adjustments.
Maybe you’re in need of a career change after reflecting on your current job or the life your live needs a change.
Whatever your situation is, feeling lost can surprisingly be a good thing?

I know, I know, it sounds ludicrous but hear me out! Going through this turbulence of emotions actually gives us clarity in what we want and what we don’t want.

I heard this analogy recently and it solidified the epitome of feeling lost. I will paraphrase the saying but it went along the lines of ‘’ When you’re driving in a car and you are using a satnav and then you take a turn too early or too late, the satnav is always there to reroute you in the right direction for you to reach your destination.’’
In other words, no matter where you are in life, career, or relationships and whoever you believe in whether it’s your higher self, God, or higher source, they will always direct you to your end goal, even if you do take a few turns here and there.

How To Be Friends With Your Fear

Fear is that one word we can hear and the hairs on the back of our necks stand up. Fear is the feeling or thoughts that stop you from pursuing a goal, based on the idea it might go wrong. The fear response is located in the area of our brain called the amygdala, the amygdala stores every experience that has made you scared or happy. When we want to do something new, our amygdala compartmentalise whether the new decision is good or bad. The brain equates good with safety and familiarity and bad with danger and vulnerability; based on this information it can be determined what we do next.

We might not be able to overcome our fear because believe it or not, it is there to protect us but we can befriend it.

Seeing your fear as an ally rather than an enemy is one way of befriending your fear. Speak to your fear as you would to a friend or a family member. When you start to be governed by your fear, use the following phrase ‘Thank you for your protection but, I would like to take on this challenge”, this phrase allows you to acknowledge and thank the amygdala for its protection but understands to grow you need to step out your comfort zone.

One way we can feel the fear and do it anyway is by starting small. Start by doing small tasks that take you out your comfort zone for example, if you have a fear around speaking to someone new without stumbling over your words, why not practise in the mirror what you would like to say during the conversation, allowing you to feel confident and at ease when it comes to the real thing.

For many cities and towns across the world lockdown has been gradually lifting since COVID-19 and this announcement can cause anxiety around adjusting to the new way of living. If you are feeling fearful about going outside, a way to combat this feeling is by going somewhere in your local area. You might be flooded with lots of thoughts but remember to use the phrase ”Thank you for your protection but, I would like to take on this challenge” and acknowledge your achievement with confidence. By feeling good you will start to be more inclined to do other activities with more confidence and less fear.

 

 

 

Live everyday with gratitude X

 

4 SIGNS YOU’RE SELF SABOTAGING

We all dream about being successful and for many of us this is something we are working on but, there is this one thing that keeps stopping us and that is ourselves. Self-sabotage is the act of stopping one’s self from achieving our goals and dreams. Here are some ways that self-sabotage is contributing to your life.

 

 

1.Comparison- You compare yourself to others and their achievements and question your ability to being ‘not good enough’.

 

2. Procrastination- When a deadline is near you tend to procrastinate; you distract yourself from what you need to do by doing unnecessary activities that don’t contribute to what you need to focus on. And when you try to go back into the routine you find it hard to keep up motivation.

 

3. Negative self-talk- This coincides with procrastination, when you’re putting something off, it can start to be governed by your fear and your ego ( that annoying voice that tells you we can’t do anything), when you hear your ego talking, you can feel disheartened and feed into the negative self-thought that ‘you’re not good enough’ or you’re not like that person who’s thriving.

 

4. You’re focusing on the problem and not the solution- When a problem occurs, all 3 previous signs play a massive role in your self-sabotage. You start to immerse yourself in what is wrong and let the emotions take over. It can lead to not thinking logically about the solution that can help you get out of this problem and this feeling.

Can you identify with one of these signs?……

Now that you’ve identified with one or more signs what ways can you combat this? Let’s see how we can create a solution.

Solutions to these signs can look like:

1. Focus- Focusing on your journey and the achievements you have made during your lifetime. Celebrating how far you have come can help boost your self-confidence to achieve more.

2. Weed out what is not necessary- Nowadays it’s quite easy to get yourself distract through your phone, tv, conversations, and many other things. To counteract procrastination. Why not remove any unnecessary devices out of your space or if you’re getting distracted by someone you can politely request that you would like 30 minutes to yourself without being distracted.

3. Change your tune-It’s easy to listen and get consumed by your negative thoughts when it’s running at 100 mph and your ego starts to project their fears on to you and, it’s also scary the thought of failure as no one likes to feel that way, but, by changing the way you speak to yourself and/or of situations can present a different outcome. Wouldn’t you rather say ‘I’m glad I took the risk and did that’, instead of ‘I wish I did that’.

4. Solution >Problem-A great way to overcome a problem is to remove yourself and look at it from a Birdseye view. Remove the ‘I’ statement and see what can be done to change this problem into a solution.

 

”Self-sabotage kills more dreams than failure ever will”– The Grounded Tree

The One Advice You Need To Hear

On this blog, I specialise in talking about wellness and continual self-development and I stand by the statements ‘ Self-development is key to uncovering and discovering old and new things about yourself’ and it’s a great experience to undergo. However, if this search turns from being healthy to an unhealthy constant search of finding one’s self, it can end up with someone being exhausted and burnt out.

When we are in a constant battle of over analysing every situation we remove our true self from the experience because we are constantly searching for something that doesn’t need to be altered.

I often see people beat themselves up about habits they want to form but, I am reminding you that you are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously. What doesn’t help is when you start to blur the lines between developing healthy habits on a self-development journey and an unhealthy habit of searching for something that’s not there.

You wouldn’t dismantle a fully working, functional pen so why do the same to yourself?

 

Live everyday with gratitude X

How To Use Your Phone Intentionally

 

We are in a digital era where technology is rapidly moving forward and new social apps keep popping up everywhere. We enter the rabbit hole of aimlessly scrolling through these apps, constantly updating ourselves with the latest news and sharing information with the world to get a response. We are inundated with a unanimous amount of information about the harm our phones are doing to us.

So what can we do to change this worldwide discussion on the negativities about our phones?

It all lies in the intent of using the phone.

The producers of technology thrive from our constant use of technology, have you ever noticed whenever you get a message your phone brightly lights up or when you get a notification the sounds or vibrations lasted a bit longer than usual? Theses are all savvy techniques to keep up connected to our phones and they’ve been planted so in-depth within us, it’s automatic reaction to grab it.

We all fall into this trap including myself. I have a love-hate relationship with my phone because on numerous occasions( too many that I want to admit) I will be using my phone for a particular reason and then all of a sudden my finger has exited out of the thing I was intended to be using and automatically, I unconsciously head over the social apps where I spend an endless amount of hours scrolling through, trying to get to the end of the page; which you’re not able to because the creators want you to keep scrolling. In the end, I feel unproductive and wasted an insane amount of time.

So how do we intentionally use our phone? Here are some daily habits you can do to intentionally use your phone:

• Having a habit tracker will enable you to keep a record on how productive and intentional you are doing with your task- I use an app called Habit that sends reminders on healthy habits you would like to form. As you tick off the habit for the day, the percentage goes up and before you realise it will be 100% and you’ve formed a long term healthy habit.

 

• Having a set timer or blocker that helps you stay off your phone can boost your productivity and not heavily rely on your phone for social use.

 

• Don’t use your phone before you go to bed- You will often find yourself not being able to sleep from the brightly lit screen.

 

• Only use your phone for what you need to do!

 

• Create a phone-free zone

 

• Turn your phone upside down, this will help from constantly picking up your phone when a notification arrives.

 

 

What are your top tips for using your phone intentionally?

 

 

Live everyday with gratitude X

How To Become A Superhero

Ever had a thought that you weren’t good enough and then the next minute you’re spiralling down a rabbit hole of self-doubt and insecurities. Going down that hole can be discouraging as it starts to affect our self-esteem and confidence.
I watched a TedTalk that spoke about How to be more powerful than you can ever imagine and it made me understand that we have a bad habit of lacking empathy and compassion for ourselves; we would never speak to our friends or family the way we speak to ourselves so why do we think it’s acceptable to speak to ourselves this way.
When we change our pattern and show the compassion and empathy that we freely give to others, we rise to the challenge that is set to discourage us and in that process, we transform into the superhero that we know is inside us.

The superhero in us aids our inner strength and we start to discover how powerful we truly are. What would you do if you had your superhero outfit on…What are the things you would accomplish?  It’s a bit like an alter ego; an extension of yourself or a journey to who you are becoming. Before you know it your superhero outfit will be so embedded in you, you won’t even flinch whenever a thought pattern or feeling of low vibration hits because you’ll see it as a challenge to succeed.

I will leave you with this powerful quote ‘’In rising to our challenges, we find our superhero’’.

 
Find your inner strength…Find your superhero

 

Live a harmonious life X

7 Things I’ve Learned This Year

We are counting down until the new decade, can you believe 2020 is less than 11 days away; Time has really flown by and this got me reflecting back on the year so far and what I have learned. I have listed 7 top lessons that I want to share with you that has supported me in having a great year and to continue through 2020.

1. No two days are the same- This is something I’ve had to remind myself constantly when a particular day doesn’t go to plan. Just because you might have had a bad day doesn’t mean that tomorrow will be the same. When life presents you with something,  you get to choose how you react, you are in control of your emotions and feeling. By simply switching the thought, language and emotion you can transform your reality.

2. Don’t beat yourself up- This kind of goes hand in hand with the first one, when reflecting on a past experience that could have been handled a different way, don’t overthink and beat yourself up about it. There was a reason why that particular situation went the way it did, because at that moment you were living your truth and what felt authentic to you. It is also a great learning experience in what you would do differently if the same situation presented itself again.

3. Celebrate your wins – 2019 was the year for achievements for everyone whether small or big, I saw so many people online and in real life celebrating their wins. Even I was celebrating and usually, I find it difficult because I constantly think about what I could have done better ( the perfectionist in me). Celebrating your highlights is such a great way to boost self-esteem and confidence within yourself (how ironic that little mix-power is playing in the background while I write).

4. Smile and Laugh- Smile and laugh as many times as you can. Laugh until your belly is aching, that is the best laugh!

5. Take time out for you- Take time to do things for you. I can’t stress enough that when you take time out for yourself you are reengerising your physical and mental self. Doing something you enjoy also spark creativity and inspiration for any projects you might have started or wanted to start.

6. Step out your comfort zone- What the saying… ”Everything you want is on the other side of fear” and it’s so true. Stepping into the unknown can be uncomfortable for many reasons, but when you take that big leap of faith the reward you reap is amazing.

7. Be your authentic self- We are often told we have to present a certain way of ourselves to different people for them to engage or like us but, when you lose who you are, it can be very detrimental to your identity. You start to have conflicting messages about who you really are and what you like. Being authentically yourself is to stand in your truth and not be swayed if someone does not like it.

What did you learn in 2019?

 

Live a powerful life X

FUEL YOUR CURIOSITY

 

Do you ever feel like you don’t know what your purpose in life is?

 Do you struggle with finding a new hobby?  

You are not alone! Trying to figure out what you would like to do can be one of the most overwhelming feelings, you don’t know where to start so you google ‘How to find a hobby or how to know what you want to do in life?’ (don’t feel ashamed, we’ve all been there) and then there is an endless list of activities or jobs but, somehow they don’t spark joy within you, so it back to the drawing board.

We always look outwards for answers but sometimes the answers are always within us, our thoughts nudge us in the direction but we choose to ignore it. Have you ever been called to do something but you ignore it and the more you ignore it, the more the thought persists. It’s your intuition telling you to fuel your curiosity and act upon it. When you try something new is always exciting with a hint scary but you always feel better after doing it.
Take me, for example, earlier this year I had a thought about wanting to learn tarot and I wasn’t sure how to so I decided to leave it. A few months later the same persisting thought of learning how to do tarot came up again and this time I acted upon it. Fast forward to the present day and I have a new found love for tarot readings and can spend an endless amount of hours actively doing it and also watching others do it. If I didn’t fuel my curiosity, I wouldn’t be having the enjoyment I have today for a newfound love.
Not every time you fuel your curiosity will you get the result you want but it better to say I am glad for this experience than what if.

If there’s one piece of advice I want you to take away today, it would be this. If you keep getting repeated calling to travel, create a business, study, learn a new activity, move homes or any kind of desire. Act upon it!! You never know where it might take you!

 

Live a harmonious life X

THE ADVANTAGE OF A GROWTH MINDSET

In my recent post, I gave a beginner crash course of the terms fixed and growth mindset. Now we’re going to delve into the long-lasting benefits from having a growth mindset over a fixed mindset.

A recap of the fixed mindset- Is a person who has a setback and as a result, feels like the world is attacking them through interaction they experience throughout the day. They often look at their misfortune as a failure.

The fixed mindset can have a person stuck, unable to unlock their potential because they are focused on getting something ‘perfect’, right or being successful. When the outcome they expect does not come into fruition, they beat themselves up for it.
For example, A women called Sally takes a numeracy test for her to become a qualified teacher, she sits the exams and within a few weeks, she gets the results back. The result is in and she finds out she has not passed, Sally was 5 marks away from passing. Sally was convinced that she would pass and now is feeling worthless and like a failure, because she has not passed.
People who believe their failures equate to their self worth tend to strive more for perfection because one test/experience determines their smartness. This causes detrimental feelings of feeling inadequate unless they are succeeding. This can start from as early as childhood, a remark that was once said about you not succeeding can result in a lifetime of trying to succeed and not feeling like the 5-year-old you.

If you’re currently in a fixed mindset, fear not! You can change your mindset to help you become the greatest version of your conscious and subconscious self.

On the other hand, a growth mindset is seen as a process, a continual line of improvement, a place where a person’s ability is not limited and their setbacks do not correspond to their being. Through learning successful and ‘failing’ experiences, these types of people can learn from the lessons and apply what they’ve been taught in a new direction. When something is a challenge for them, they thrive on putting in the effort and reaching the outcome through creative risks. They are not worried what people say because they know in their hearts they going to reach their goal and no set back will defeat that.

A person with a growth mindset can:

• Improve on feedback and criticism they have been told

 

• Complete difficult task

 

• Not give up and put effort into a task

This is a habit we should all be forming if we want to be more intentional with our minds.

Below are tips and reminders on upgrading your mindset:

• Remember growth over success. Your failures do not define you as a person

 

• ‘Every rejection is a redirection‘. Just because you’ve had a setback, does not mean you are failing and you should give up.

 

• It takes time and patience. This is not an overnight formed habit, it requires a lot of patience.

 

• As humans we are constantly learning, what would life be like if we knew everything already. Where would the feeling of growth and achievement be?

 

 

It’s time to unlock your full potnetial X