How to Identify your triggers

We have a trigger whether something small or big, whether from childhood or adulthood. We all have something that brings up emotions we don’t like to identify with. 

When we’re triggered it can show up as

• Past traumas
• Rejection
• Fear
• Abandonment 
• Grief
• Anger
• Sadness
• Hurt
• Unworthiness
• Unloved
• Defensive

Sometimes we can get triggered from an experience and don’t know why we’ve reacted in a way we did.

Sitting in the uncomfortable can lead to vulnerability that you don’t want to face or relive. However, delving into the feeling can help you feel more in control of your feelings.

When a triggering thought or emotion comes up, ask yourself where is this coming from? Is it your ego convincing you that it’s true or is there factual evidence that show you otherwise. We can get caught up in the narrative the experience from our past is a belief system that is factual true. What we forget in the moment is that those so called belief systems have stemmed from heighten emotion and overthinking which causes an illusion to how we perceive things.

Once identifying the triggers, you can start the process of changing the way you view your triggers.

Allow yourself to feel- Allow yourself to feel all the emotions without attaching the old story to it. You can do this by watching the thought but not engaging with it, as once you give in to the thought, you’ll start to attract like minded thoughts(your past) and create a scenario that is not true.

Compassion(speak kindly)- We can be mean to ourselves and speak in a way we would never speak to our friends and family. When you hear yourself judging your experience or emotion, remember to speak to kindly to yourself like how you would speak to a loved one. It easier to have compassion and give advice to a friend because there’s not attached emotion on our side, try to experiment without attaching your emotions to your experience and see how differently you speak to yourself.

Rewrite the narrative- Yes, the experiences in the past have made you feel X,Y and Z but not every person or thing is out there to hurt you. Changing the way you speak about your thoughts, emotions and past experience allows you to welcome more intimacy within your life, allowing the people who respect and value you to enter your safe space.

How To Be Friends With Your Fear

Fear is that one word we can hear and the hairs on the back of our necks stand up. Fear is the feeling or thoughts that stop you from pursuing a goal, based on the idea it might go wrong. The fear response is located in the area of our brain called the amygdala, the amygdala stores every experience that has made you scared or happy. When we want to do something new, our amygdala compartmentalise whether the new decision is good or bad. The brain equates good with safety and familiarity and bad with danger and vulnerability; based on this information it can be determined what we do next.

We might not be able to overcome our fear because believe it or not, it is there to protect us but we can befriend it.

Seeing your fear as an ally rather than an enemy is one way of befriending your fear. Speak to your fear as you would to a friend or a family member. When you start to be governed by your fear, use the following phrase ‘Thank you for your protection but, I would like to take on this challenge”, this phrase allows you to acknowledge and thank the amygdala for its protection but understands to grow you need to step out your comfort zone.

One way we can feel the fear and do it anyway is by starting small. Start by doing small tasks that take you out your comfort zone for example, if you have a fear around speaking to someone new without stumbling over your words, why not practise in the mirror what you would like to say during the conversation, allowing you to feel confident and at ease when it comes to the real thing.

For many cities and towns across the world lockdown has been gradually lifting since COVID-19 and this announcement can cause anxiety around adjusting to the new way of living. If you are feeling fearful about going outside, a way to combat this feeling is by going somewhere in your local area. You might be flooded with lots of thoughts but remember to use the phrase ”Thank you for your protection but, I would like to take on this challenge” and acknowledge your achievement with confidence. By feeling good you will start to be more inclined to do other activities with more confidence and less fear.

 

 

 

Live everyday with gratitude X

 

4 SIGNS YOU’RE SELF SABOTAGING

We all dream about being successful and for many of us this is something we are working on but, there is this one thing that keeps stopping us and that is ourselves. Self-sabotage is the act of stopping one’s self from achieving our goals and dreams. Here are some ways that self-sabotage is contributing to your life.

 

 

1.Comparison- You compare yourself to others and their achievements and question your ability to being ‘not good enough’.

 

2. Procrastination- When a deadline is near you tend to procrastinate; you distract yourself from what you need to do by doing unnecessary activities that don’t contribute to what you need to focus on. And when you try to go back into the routine you find it hard to keep up motivation.

 

3. Negative self-talk- This coincides with procrastination, when you’re putting something off, it can start to be governed by your fear and your ego ( that annoying voice that tells you we can’t do anything), when you hear your ego talking, you can feel disheartened and feed into the negative self-thought that ‘you’re not good enough’ or you’re not like that person who’s thriving.

 

4. You’re focusing on the problem and not the solution- When a problem occurs, all 3 previous signs play a massive role in your self-sabotage. You start to immerse yourself in what is wrong and let the emotions take over. It can lead to not thinking logically about the solution that can help you get out of this problem and this feeling.

Can you identify with one of these signs?……

Now that you’ve identified with one or more signs what ways can you combat this? Let’s see how we can create a solution.

Solutions to these signs can look like:

1. Focus- Focusing on your journey and the achievements you have made during your lifetime. Celebrating how far you have come can help boost your self-confidence to achieve more.

2. Weed out what is not necessary- Nowadays it’s quite easy to get yourself distract through your phone, tv, conversations, and many other things. To counteract procrastination. Why not remove any unnecessary devices out of your space or if you’re getting distracted by someone you can politely request that you would like 30 minutes to yourself without being distracted.

3. Change your tune-It’s easy to listen and get consumed by your negative thoughts when it’s running at 100 mph and your ego starts to project their fears on to you and, it’s also scary the thought of failure as no one likes to feel that way, but, by changing the way you speak to yourself and/or of situations can present a different outcome. Wouldn’t you rather say ‘I’m glad I took the risk and did that’, instead of ‘I wish I did that’.

4. Solution >Problem-A great way to overcome a problem is to remove yourself and look at it from a Birdseye view. Remove the ‘I’ statement and see what can be done to change this problem into a solution.

 

”Self-sabotage kills more dreams than failure ever will”– The Grounded Tree

How To Create Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries can take place in many forms and they don’t always have to be boundaries on another person, it can also be applied to self boundaries. Personal boundaries are essentially put in place to create healthy ways of navigating and communicating with others or yourself. It sets a tone of what you will tolerate and self-compassion for one’s self through acknowledgement and being respected. When we hear the word boundaries we often think something along the lines of separation, division or limits and when expressing our thoughts to someone they could perceive it as not wanting to speak to them as much. However, that should not stop a person from creating healthy steps to maintain their wellbeing
Implementing boundaries with people who you already have a relationship with can feel very awkward or feel like you are creating a divide but, in any relationship expressing yourself is a great way to understand another person’s needs and also will benefit your wellbeing in the long run. Boundaries can be formed in friendships, relationships, at work, with yourself and many more.

 

Let us get into the benefits of why we should create healthy boundaries.

• Creating boundaries removes the anxiety and stress of experiencing things that do not contribute to your mental health and well being: Ever experienced being invited out somewhere and feeling obligated to go and once you arrive at the destination, all you want to do is leave but you are rooted to the ground, swarmed with thoughts like a bee’s nest and overthinking what people would say if you left the event, resulting in you having a mini anxiety attack. All of this could be avoided if you set healthy boundaries for yourself and ask yourself if this is truly something you want to attend.

 

• Healthy boundaries allow you to successfully communicate your wants and needs without disregarding your feelings:
  We often ignore our feelings to please others but, it is we who feel it in the end. Not validating your feelings can lead to burn out.

 

• Boundaries can be flexible:
  They don’t have to be strict, ridged instruction that can not be moved. The fluidity of boundaries allows you to communicate and check with the other person.

 

• Boundaries are the psychological self-care that we don’t see but feel

 

• Boundaries develop a healthy respect for one self

 

Examples of healthy boundaries:

• Limiting your consumption use on social media or technology
• Keeping away from people who don’t contribute to your mental health
• Having self-compassion for yourself
• Validating your feelings and response to situation
• Saying no without feeling guilt
• Physically removing yourself from places that make your anxiety rise
• Not sacrificing your plans or goals to please others

 

Live everyday with gratitude X

2020 The Year Of Blessings

Before I dive into things I want to say a Happy new year! A new year full of adventures, blessings, and prosperity 🙂

As seen as its 2020 and the start of a new year, it’s that time again where many are and have set new goals whether it’s to lose weight, travel or find love. We all have something we would like to do or do better this year. When we set new goal it is quite easy to shout it from the roof top and tell everyone the new improved us but, after a while we forget the excitement and enthusiasm we had at the beginning of the year and either lose the enthusiasm or forget to put any action behind the goal.

I unintentionally found ways in which I kept my goals and desire at the forefront of my mind without even being aware I was doing it. My goals were coming to me much quicker because I wasn’t having a fixed attachment to the goal because we all know when you’re too focused on the lack of the goal, it takes a slower process to come to fruition. It’s honestly a simple message we always forget because we focus too much on the how or when. It’s like ordering food to your home, when you order your food and are busy distracting yourself, the food comes much quicker vs when you sit there and track every 5 minutes to get an update.

The key to affirming fluidly is to find new and fun ways to manifest without holding too much attachment to it.

Listed below I have created a few ways in which you effortlessly manifest your goals:

• Writing your goals as a password- This was one of the ways I unintentionally created what I currently have in my life and I did not know I was doing it. I needed to change my password as I locked myself out of my laptop and felt called to write what I desired and left it. Little did I know every time I was writing in my password I was unconsciously manifesting my goal.

• Setting your alarm clock as your goals– Alarm clocks are always startling because it tells us we need to wake up. However, having your alarm sound as your goals every morning will gently wake you up and put you in the high vibration to set the tone of your day. It’s a light reminder that it’s a new day to work towards your goals. You can also use this for affirmations.

• Set reminders on your phone- Similar to setting your alarm sound as the voice of your goals, having your reminders set throughout the day helps you stay present in what you want.

• Post-it notes- I have mentioned this in a previous post but it’s a great reminder because it’s uncomplicated. Placing post-it notes around your home in the places you mainly go will remind you when your mind is elsewhere what you truly desire and how to work towards them.

 

What’s fun way do you manifest your goals?

Happy 2020! X

FUEL YOUR CURIOSITY

 

Do you ever feel like you don’t know what your purpose in life is?

 Do you struggle with finding a new hobby?  

You are not alone! Trying to figure out what you would like to do can be one of the most overwhelming feelings, you don’t know where to start so you google ‘How to find a hobby or how to know what you want to do in life?’ (don’t feel ashamed, we’ve all been there) and then there is an endless list of activities or jobs but, somehow they don’t spark joy within you, so it back to the drawing board.

We always look outwards for answers but sometimes the answers are always within us, our thoughts nudge us in the direction but we choose to ignore it. Have you ever been called to do something but you ignore it and the more you ignore it, the more the thought persists. It’s your intuition telling you to fuel your curiosity and act upon it. When you try something new is always exciting with a hint scary but you always feel better after doing it.
Take me, for example, earlier this year I had a thought about wanting to learn tarot and I wasn’t sure how to so I decided to leave it. A few months later the same persisting thought of learning how to do tarot came up again and this time I acted upon it. Fast forward to the present day and I have a new found love for tarot readings and can spend an endless amount of hours actively doing it and also watching others do it. If I didn’t fuel my curiosity, I wouldn’t be having the enjoyment I have today for a newfound love.
Not every time you fuel your curiosity will you get the result you want but it better to say I am glad for this experience than what if.

If there’s one piece of advice I want you to take away today, it would be this. If you keep getting repeated calling to travel, create a business, study, learn a new activity, move homes or any kind of desire. Act upon it!! You never know where it might take you!

 

Live a harmonious life X

THE BEAUTY OF SCRIPTING

I love a good list. I am list mad, shopping list, goals list, to-do list or worklist. Give me something and I will make it into a list. I find that I enjoy ticking off a completed task and reviewing the list with all ticks gives me a feel-good mood.
I also find that writing out exactly what I want helps me get more of a clearer understanding of what I want in the future. This is why I want to share with you the art of scripting.
Scripting is a law of attraction technique, it is about declaring what you want and being detailed in the things you want to see in your future. It is such a simple task that it sounds too simple to be true.

Here’s a question for you… What is the ultimate dream?

How do you want to feel in a year, 2 years, 5 years?

What do you want your life to look like in X amount of years?
You can have it all by simply writing it down and declaring to yourself and the higher power what you truly want. The hack is to be super detailed and specific, if it’s a new car that you want, what colour, shape, what kind of mod-cons do you want in this car? Built-in sat-nav, parking sensor, leather interior?. Be as specific as you can!

Or

Is it a new friendship you want to attract? Do you want this person to be a good communicator, a caring person, a generous person, someone you can be vulnerable with?

The things you want in life is endless and it all starts with a list. MAKE THIS LIST AND THEN LET GO OF THE LIST….Let go? Huh? Yes, let go of the idea. The more you attach to this list, the more you are repelling it from your reality. When you let go and forget the universe works ten folds for you to have it sooner than you think.

I am full living proof that scripting works and is real! In the past, I have scripted a list of what I want my future job, life, friendships to look like and everything on that list has come true. I once made a list and put it somewhere so safe that I couldn’t remember where I placed it and only remember 2 things off the list. Eventually, when I found it( a month later) everything that I wanted came true. A quick disclaimer too, if something doesn’t resonate with you on that list a week later, do not worry because you can always update it.
A refresher that you need to know about scripting:

 

 

• Sit down and truly think about what you want

 

• Reach for the pen and paper in a comfortable place and write down what you want in your life

 

• Be specific and if you don’t know exactly, write down the feelings you want to emanate

 

• Fold the piece of paper up and place it somewhere safe

 

• Forget about it

 

• Let the universe take control

 

 

Stay Grounded X

FEELINGS + YOU = 100% HUMAN

 

We currently live in a world where positivity is at an ultimate high and almost makes you feel discouraged if you’re not happy 24/7.
We are human and as humans, we are taught to feel emotions. Emotions are good. Emotions are our minds reacting to things we’ve experienced and from that reaction, we determine whether it was an enjoyable experience or sparked a feeling that didn’t sit with us as well. If you try to be happy 24/7 you will eventually burn out. In a culture that prides itself on not catching feelings, we ultimately remain untruthful to ourselves and has a damaging effect on our mindset.
When I feel an emotion coming on based off an experience that I didn’t like, instead of trying to cover it up and distract myself. I sit with the feeling, I work out why am I reacting in this way, I allow my whole body to feel this emotion. I find ways to express how I feel, mainly through journalling and I note down what has taken place, my reaction to it and how I can move forward in a healthy manner.
I don’t sit with the feeling for too long because that’s when you enter the downward spiral. of overthinking. Once I find an answer, I release this emotion and work on finding a way to bring myself back to a high vibe.

 
For me, feeling my emotions first and reacting later to a situation, helps me diffuse any experience I have towards a person, place or thing. When you react off instinct you can later find yourself regretting something you’ve said. Removing myself and looking at it from a wider perspective enables me to approach in a healthy way.
So, next time you feel betrayal, hurt, anger, confused or any other emotion, sit with the feeling, what is this feeling, what is it telling you and how can you move forward in a healthy manner that benefits you.

 

Stay Grounded X

Monthly Investments

Hello June!
We are halfway through the year already and around this time is the point where we reflect on how our first half of the year has been going for us and what needs to be adapted or improved.
At the beginning of each month I set out a monthly Investment- This concept is made up of goals I want to explicitly commit to in the month that will bring me to the best version of myself, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I call them investments because I am investing in myself and once achieved I will be rewarded for those investments. Each investment will bring me to a new version of myself. I began the investment at the start of the year and upon reflecting on my own personal journey it was peaceful to see that I have managed so much in 6 months. They say if you continuously do something every day for a month or so, your mind and body start to recognise and form a habit. This is my reason for using 30/31 days as my base to form my monthly investments.

After I have written my monthly investments, I write suggestions and break downs on how I’ll be able to achieve it. Without breaking it down and guiding yourself, the investment will feel overwhelming to the point it puts you off. The suggestions and break downs is a simple way in which you will feel less overwhelmed and more excited to invest in yourself more.

At the end of the month, I do an Investment reflection, I write down how well I achieved each investment and what has been a highlight or what needs to be adapted or improved.

What’s your June Investment?

Stay Grounded X

KNOCK DOWN YOUR WALLS

Our belief system stems from our old habits and thoughts that are repeated over and over again until it’s ingrained in our system. The good, the bad and the ugly are stored in our brain and the pattern we’ve become conditioned to, keeps us ‘safe’. I put the word safe in quotation marks because in hindsight it actually does not keep us safe but affects our experience because we are trapped in the thoughts and habits that don’t work for us but that is all we know.

I am currently reading the Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer for the second time and there is a chapter that sparked inspiration for me. He speaks about a house, a house that is made up of 4 walls and a roof, all around you the walls are filled with your consciousness, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. There is no light, just darkness but, it’s ok because you enjoy this, it is comforting for you. You don’t step beyond the darkness because the certainty of the unknown keeps you. However, you do know that there is natural light outside but you are afraid to step into it.

Now if we think about it, this is how our mind is set up, what we know has slowly stopped us from reaching the other side due to our ego, emotions and thought patterns taking over. This feeling blocks us from the infinite light and abundance that is calling us. For us to reach the infinite light, we need to stand up to the 4 walls, we need to acknowledge what is holding us back, feel the emotion, understand that it no longer works for us and moves past them.

A great quote Micheal said is ‘’You must realize that when you defend yourself, you are really defending your walls. What you are defending is the house you built to protect yourself’’.

Now that gave me shivers!

We need to do intensive work to find solutions that do not keep us trapped and in the defending mode but to move in building a structure that benefits us in a healthy way. When we change our outlook we attract healthy lifestyles, self worth and healthy relationships into our lives.

Stay Grounded X