How To Be Friends With Your Fear

Fear is that one word we can hear and the hairs on the back of our necks stand up. Fear is the feeling or thoughts that stop you from pursuing a goal, based on the idea it might go wrong. The fear response is located in the area of our brain called the amygdala, the amygdala stores every experience that has made you scared or happy. When we want to do something new, our amygdala compartmentalise whether the new decision is good or bad. The brain equates good with safety and familiarity and bad with danger and vulnerability; based on this information it can be determined what we do next.

We might not be able to overcome our fear because believe it or not, it is there to protect us but we can befriend it.

Seeing your fear as an ally rather than an enemy is one way of befriending your fear. Speak to your fear as you would to a friend or a family member. When you start to be governed by your fear, use the following phrase ‘Thank you for your protection but, I would like to take on this challenge”, this phrase allows you to acknowledge and thank the amygdala for its protection but understands to grow you need to step out your comfort zone.

One way we can feel the fear and do it anyway is by starting small. Start by doing small tasks that take you out your comfort zone for example, if you have a fear around speaking to someone new without stumbling over your words, why not practise in the mirror what you would like to say during the conversation, allowing you to feel confident and at ease when it comes to the real thing.

For many cities and towns across the world lockdown has been gradually lifting since COVID-19 and this announcement can cause anxiety around adjusting to the new way of living. If you are feeling fearful about going outside, a way to combat this feeling is by going somewhere in your local area. You might be flooded with lots of thoughts but remember to use the phrase ”Thank you for your protection but, I would like to take on this challenge” and acknowledge your achievement with confidence. By feeling good you will start to be more inclined to do other activities with more confidence and less fear.

 

 

 

Live everyday with gratitude X

 

How To Create Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries can take place in many forms and they don’t always have to be boundaries on another person, it can also be applied to self boundaries. Personal boundaries are essentially put in place to create healthy ways of navigating and communicating with others or yourself. It sets a tone of what you will tolerate and self-compassion for one’s self through acknowledgement and being respected. When we hear the word boundaries we often think something along the lines of separation, division or limits and when expressing our thoughts to someone they could perceive it as not wanting to speak to them as much. However, that should not stop a person from creating healthy steps to maintain their wellbeing
Implementing boundaries with people who you already have a relationship with can feel very awkward or feel like you are creating a divide but, in any relationship expressing yourself is a great way to understand another person’s needs and also will benefit your wellbeing in the long run. Boundaries can be formed in friendships, relationships, at work, with yourself and many more.

 

Let us get into the benefits of why we should create healthy boundaries.

• Creating boundaries removes the anxiety and stress of experiencing things that do not contribute to your mental health and well being: Ever experienced being invited out somewhere and feeling obligated to go and once you arrive at the destination, all you want to do is leave but you are rooted to the ground, swarmed with thoughts like a bee’s nest and overthinking what people would say if you left the event, resulting in you having a mini anxiety attack. All of this could be avoided if you set healthy boundaries for yourself and ask yourself if this is truly something you want to attend.

 

• Healthy boundaries allow you to successfully communicate your wants and needs without disregarding your feelings:
  We often ignore our feelings to please others but, it is we who feel it in the end. Not validating your feelings can lead to burn out.

 

• Boundaries can be flexible:
  They don’t have to be strict, ridged instruction that can not be moved. The fluidity of boundaries allows you to communicate and check with the other person.

 

• Boundaries are the psychological self-care that we don’t see but feel

 

• Boundaries develop a healthy respect for one self

 

Examples of healthy boundaries:

• Limiting your consumption use on social media or technology
• Keeping away from people who don’t contribute to your mental health
• Having self-compassion for yourself
• Validating your feelings and response to situation
• Saying no without feeling guilt
• Physically removing yourself from places that make your anxiety rise
• Not sacrificing your plans or goals to please others

 

Live everyday with gratitude X

CAN YOU IDENTIFY YOUR TOXIC BEHAVIOUR?

When we hear the word toxic it is usually to describe a person who has present different behaviour. Toxicity can be recognised through an individual manipulating, making you feel bad or a toxic habit of some kind. When someone is displaying toxic behaviour, it is noticeable and we try to steer away from them. But, what happens when we are the toxic individual? It is harder to recognise our toxic habits because we have engrained into ourself this is who we are, this makeup of ourselves comes from past trauma or experiences we later project on to others. These patterns become so unrecognisable we are too blind to see it. We might see people slowly walk out of our lives or you hear the same comment about yourself from various people. This is a major sign that you might be displaying toxic behaviour. Toxic behaviour can be in many forms, below I have suggested types of toxic habits people might use.

If you can relate to any of the above habits or recognise other habits within you, then congratulations you are a step further than most people. Becoming aware of something that you have not noticed before brings you in the reflection mode and being honest with yourself is one of the hardest things a person can do. It reveals a hidden truth that you don’t want to admit or did not see. Recognising and being aware of these habits that can often be toxic will allow you to enter the phase of self reflection, self reflection is an on going process, a true and honest way of growing mentally and emotionally. Reflection and adaptation also allows you to create healthier relationships between yourself and others.

Sit down with yourself and identify what toxic behaviours/habits you possess. Once you’ve written that down, think about how this has affected your relationships over the year. Have you heard the same comment about yourself from different people? Be super transparent with yourself, no matter how much it hurts. From the identification stage, it is time to work on changing that pattern that you have become accustomed to.

 

Stay Grounded X

FIXED MINDSET VS GROWTH MINDSET

You’ve might have heard these two terms but never knew what they explicitly mean. The fixed and growth mindset derives from Dr. Carol Dweck, who believe that humans carry two types of mindsets and how we experience life can be effective by the types of mindset we have. She is known for her work in psychology especially in human interaction and understanding peoples beliefs about their intelligence.

I’m here to give you a little crash course in what the two are and the benefits of having one type of mindset over another.

So what exactly is fixed and growth mindset?

A fixed mindset is having an outcome not turn out how a person expects and feeling like a complete failure and as a result of this feeling, every other experience, and interaction they have throughout the day, results in the same feeling of reject, the feeling the worlds out to get them and worthless. It is quite common for people with anxiety to have these reoccurring thoughts that can spiral out into days, weeks or even a month.
This feeling of failure can have a person reacting through overthinking or engaging in unhealthy substance to suppress their feelings for example, Alcohol drugs.

What is a growth mindset:
A growth mindset is having an outcome not turn out how a person might have expected but understanding that it is not the end of the world and the result they have will either push them to work differently, take inspired action from the outcome, see what they can do to improve or seek help. It’s about acknowledging the experiences and instead of blaming your self-worth, you take the movement to change your reality.

Which category do you think you are in? 

Fixed mindset, Growth mindset or Both?

 

 

 

 
Stay tuned to find out how you can benefit from changing to a growth mindset.
Be True, Be You X

WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES, ANOTHER OPENS

 

If you’ve ever visited or currently live in London you’ll notice at each station there is a board with a thought of the day consisting of quotes, a riddle or a fun message to spread to the public.
Recently, I saw a quote and the first half struck me, it stated ‘’When one door closes, another one opens’’. And it’s so true. When we don’t get the results we want, we automatically start to think about what we could have done better or different but, we never stop to think that by us not getting that outcome, we are being redirected into the opportunity that is meant for us. As cliche as it sounds, it holds some weight to it. If an opportunity or experience is meant for you, it won’t see you by.
So if you’re feeling knocked back by rejection, consider that you are being aligned to the right thing for you. Trust that everything works in your favour!!

 

Stay Grounded X

 

Physical Ways To Keep In Shape

It’s true what they say when you make physical changes you start to see improvements to your health. Moving your body is one of the best ways to improve your physical health. Exercising reduces the risk of illnesses, increases the serotonin in your body ( the feel-good hormones) this is why after exercising you feel happier and able to achieve more. Going off on mental health, exercise reduces depression too. And let’s not forget it helps you lose weight and become healthier and happier. What more can I say to convince you!

When we think of exercise we might go for the often thought of the gym. In some peoples cases, the gym can be a major turn off to people for a number of reasons, however, the gym is not the only option to move your body.
Below I have created a list with some activities that are free or inexpensive to do. I have sectioned them into categories to help.

Free

• Running
• Walking
• Home workouts
• Youtube
• Run up the stairs
• Clean the house
• Outdoor gyms
• Yoga
• Pilates
• Use your own body weight

Inexpensive

• Swimming
• Gym
• Group classes
• Walking to your destination rather than taking transport
• Cycling
• Use an exercise app
• Tennis
• Pole fitness
• Resistance bands
• At home gym equipment

 

Now that you’ve read the list of ways to move your body, what will you be starting with?
Stay Grounded X

Attachment Vs Detachment- Relationship Edition

*Disclaimer when I mention the word relationship, this includes friendships, platonic and romantically, parents and children, anyone who you share a bond with. 

In my original post I spoke about attachment vs detachment as an overall theme and now I am going to be specific about this topic but in relationships

Attachment is a form of dependence and naturally, in a relationship this is shared between two people. Because we are so inquisitive about an individual other than ourselves, we try to gain as much knowledge as we can. But, when we attach a strong attachment to someone it can lead us away from our own truth because we are encapsulated in their world.

When we love someone wholeheartedly whether platonic or romantic we get blindsided to the reality that is in front of us because we are emotionally attached to the individual and the situation. We are so committed to a person that we are unwilling to accept the things going wrong and the values/morals we don’t stand for.

Simone Weil sums attachment perfectly she says “Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached. ”

I believe we’ve been misinterpreting the meaning behind detachment for a long time now. When we think of the word detach or detachment, our first response is distance, ghosting someone and being closed off. But, that’s not it. You can be detached in a relationship and still do the things you naturally do with each other.  When you put all your happiness, expectation and love in another person, when they leave, you will suffer the consequence and feel empty and lost. This is because you were dependant on them for everything. It then begins a conversation on why were you so attached. Is there a void you’re missing and that person ‘complete’ it..

I’m not saying to be cynical of all your relationships, I in fact, encourage you to love and be passionate wholeheartedly.It is not until you are neglecting the self, is where detachment is required.

Ultimately the messages I want to share is:

• Be independent in your relationship
• Don’t take things too personally
• Detachment is healthy
• Do not neglect yourself

 

I would love to hear your opinions on attachment and detachment. Let me know in the comment section.

 

Stay Grounded X

Attachment Vs Detachment

I have been challenged in writing this blog post because there is so many things I could talk about based on this topic….but we would be here for ages.  I am going to start with attachment vs detachment in general and in the next coming days, I am going to go into more depth with specific types of attachment.

We are attached to many different things, material goods, relationships, friendships, life and thoughts and they either spark something within us or dull our sparkle. The experiences and attachments we have clouds our judgement which results in overthinking. An example of this is the attachment to past life experience. The subject is the ’past life’ and the attached emotion is regret. The hybrid of the experience and emotion together can have an individual over analysing the past, reliving the experience in their head and creating different scenarios of how they would do it differently if they could.

This type of attachment can lead to a negative state of mind about our past, present and future self. It gives a disservice to our present because we are not living in the moment, we are too focused on what has already passed.
When we have an attachment to something, we don’t want to let it go so we keep hold of it for as long as possible even if it hurts us in the long run, it’s the certainty of the unknown if we let go of it, what will happen.

This is why we need to reevaluate what we are desperate to hold on too. Detachment enables you to get out of the mind frame of controlling things by being able to remove yourself and not take things too personally.

It is one of the hardest things to do because you have built up this visionary in your head, where you have constantly replayed it, scrutinised it and adapted it, to suddenly letting it go and having a change of habit which isn’t natural for you.
Detachment is an understanding of coming to peace with things that are in your life and when it’s ready to let go, you can do it effortlessly.

Be mindful in the next coming weeks of what you attach yourself to and the messages you constantly tell yourself. Perhaps you’re holding on to a friendship that no longer serves you or a thought that is fearing change.

Keep your eyes open to read about specific types of attachment in my next post.

 

Stay Grounded X

FEELINGS + YOU = 100% HUMAN

 

We currently live in a world where positivity is at an ultimate high and almost makes you feel discouraged if you’re not happy 24/7.
We are human and as humans, we are taught to feel emotions. Emotions are good. Emotions are our minds reacting to things we’ve experienced and from that reaction, we determine whether it was an enjoyable experience or sparked a feeling that didn’t sit with us as well. If you try to be happy 24/7 you will eventually burn out. In a culture that prides itself on not catching feelings, we ultimately remain untruthful to ourselves and has a damaging effect on our mindset.
When I feel an emotion coming on based off an experience that I didn’t like, instead of trying to cover it up and distract myself. I sit with the feeling, I work out why am I reacting in this way, I allow my whole body to feel this emotion. I find ways to express how I feel, mainly through journalling and I note down what has taken place, my reaction to it and how I can move forward in a healthy manner.
I don’t sit with the feeling for too long because that’s when you enter the downward spiral. of overthinking. Once I find an answer, I release this emotion and work on finding a way to bring myself back to a high vibe.

 
For me, feeling my emotions first and reacting later to a situation, helps me diffuse any experience I have towards a person, place or thing. When you react off instinct you can later find yourself regretting something you’ve said. Removing myself and looking at it from a wider perspective enables me to approach in a healthy way.
So, next time you feel betrayal, hurt, anger, confused or any other emotion, sit with the feeling, what is this feeling, what is it telling you and how can you move forward in a healthy manner that benefits you.

 

Stay Grounded X

KNOCK DOWN YOUR WALLS

Our belief system stems from our old habits and thoughts that are repeated over and over again until it’s ingrained in our system. The good, the bad and the ugly are stored in our brain and the pattern we’ve become conditioned to, keeps us ‘safe’. I put the word safe in quotation marks because in hindsight it actually does not keep us safe but affects our experience because we are trapped in the thoughts and habits that don’t work for us but that is all we know.

I am currently reading the Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer for the second time and there is a chapter that sparked inspiration for me. He speaks about a house, a house that is made up of 4 walls and a roof, all around you the walls are filled with your consciousness, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. There is no light, just darkness but, it’s ok because you enjoy this, it is comforting for you. You don’t step beyond the darkness because the certainty of the unknown keeps you. However, you do know that there is natural light outside but you are afraid to step into it.

Now if we think about it, this is how our mind is set up, what we know has slowly stopped us from reaching the other side due to our ego, emotions and thought patterns taking over. This feeling blocks us from the infinite light and abundance that is calling us. For us to reach the infinite light, we need to stand up to the 4 walls, we need to acknowledge what is holding us back, feel the emotion, understand that it no longer works for us and moves past them.

A great quote Micheal said is ‘’You must realize that when you defend yourself, you are really defending your walls. What you are defending is the house you built to protect yourself’’.

Now that gave me shivers!

We need to do intensive work to find solutions that do not keep us trapped and in the defending mode but to move in building a structure that benefits us in a healthy way. When we change our outlook we attract healthy lifestyles, self worth and healthy relationships into our lives.

Stay Grounded X